Our visit home has been one of the best ever. Not only have we had more time with our families than we normally do, but we've got to do some every day stuff with family, such as watch my niece Savannah's gymnastics and t-ball practice and babysit my nieces Savannah and Gabrielle while Bethany worked. I love being a part of every day life when I'm at home. I don't want all of our visits to be about my family rearranging their lives just because we are home. Rather, I want to be included in their everyday lives. We've played, relaxed, ate, shopped, ate some more, talked, laughed, ate again, and still haven't stopped eating!! (Desperately in need of working out!!)

The BEST part of our vacation has been the surprise of seeing my best friend Jaime. My mom and dad surprised me by flying Jaime up from Florida in order to spend the weekend with us. It was so awesome!! Thanks mom and dad for thinking of our friendship and how much we missed each other. In honor of prom weekend, we took a "senior pic". Hehehehehhe

















Here are some pics from our great vacation so far:

Savannah and Gabrielle love their Uncle Dustin.



















One big happy family!



















Sweet Gabrielle! I was so thankful that Gabi warmed up to Dustin and me quickly. We had a great time playing and trying to coax her into saying our names. She'll only say our names if she's repeating what Savannah says. I guess that's a start. =)

Just 2 days until we board a plane for our homeland, the beatiful state of cornfields, Dairy Queens and small towns. I feel like I have about 100 things on my To-Do list before I leave, so I'm hoping that I don't have a mental breakdown. More than that, I'm hoping that I can truly enjoy our vacation and not worry about the million things going on when I get back. Tomorrow, I am interviewing for our Receptionist position. I have interviews every 30 minutes from 10am-3pm. Last week during our interviews for a Children & Youth Pastor, I almost feel asleep during the last one. Oops!

The weather is beautiful here in Portland today. I spent all day at a Grant Writing Workshop through the Foundation Center. I learned a lot and am super pumped to research grants now. I always feel like that after a day spent on one thing. Unfortunately, I won't be able to do anything with it until I return from vacation and after National Salvation Army Week (May 14-20). Everyone who's reading this needs to look up their local Salvation Army and see what their needs are and then try to help out, especially during National Salvation Army Week. Ok? Promise?

We've been studying the book of James in church and I'm really enjoying it. I'm finding it very relevant to what's going on in my life in a variety of areas right now. Two weeks ago, we discussed the first part of chapter 1. It says, "..when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy." It's such a hard verse to live out. Our pastor made a great point when he said, "When life doesn't go the way we want, we question God himself rather than our assumptions about Him. Hard times should make us question God but not the way we normally do. Instead of asking 'Why God?' we should ask 'What God? What can you do with this God?" Wow. I'm still thinking about this and how I can do it every day. I haven't had a difficult life compared to most and I am very thankful for that. But even the small struggles count as an opportunity for either great joy or bitterness and resentment toward God. I am trying to remember as I think about our financial situation and how overwhelmingly hopeless it appears, I am trying to remember as I wait patiently for a home and child, I am trying to remember to Pray, to ask God to use my present situation and not to let this present suffering be wasted in my life. I am trying to remember that although the perfect life by the world's standards is tempting, I have chosen the way of Jesus, therefore my life probably won't look like the world's perfect life. Sometimes I hate that and sometimes I fully embrace it. Either way, my heart is set. I pray God reminds me of it every day.

I turned 28 on Saturday and it was a good birthday. I was joined by friends at Benihana's Japanese Steakhouse and had a great time. This was the first time we had been to Benihana's and we are a little disappointed, mainly because our "asian" chef was named Raphael and didn't even throw knives! What's the deal Beni? The food was totally delictable, you just can't beat Japanese Steakhouse cuisine. Thank you to Mike, Katie, Chris, Karli, Jason and Kim for sharing my special day with me.

Dustin and the birthday girl (check out my cool balloon birthday hat. Dustin said it looked like DNA.)


















Mike and Katie Alpert




















Chris and Karli Leonardo


















Jason and Kim Seimer


















This is the awesome picture that Jason was tring to take of us. He's no photographer but let's not tell him that!

This is our front yard and the view from our new, big window. I love to look out the window. Dustin laughs at me because every time he comes out of the shower, I'm just sitting and looking out of our window. I can't tell you how nice it is to be able to look outside. The weather in Portland has been gorgeous and I just can't get enough of the blue skies and beautiful flowers.



This is our bedroom and office area. I've used my screen to hide our closet because the sloping ceiling doesn't allow the closet to have a door, and closets are very ugly without a door, so the screen is nice. This is Dustin busy on the computer. I'd like to say that he's doing homework, but let's be real, he's probably blogging. =)































This is our one big window and our living room area. We love our big window! Although we have to remind ourselves that people can see in. Oops!




































This is our dining area and kitchen. I don't know why they chose a purple wall and blue cabinets, but we make due. Notice again the sloping ceiling (which have caused many decorating challenges!) Now that everything is put in its place, we absolutely love our new home. It's still very small and challenging at times, but we are extremely thankful for it. God has been so good to us.

I am sick today. It started with a sore throat a few days before our weekend vacation and came to a peak yesterday on the drive home with a runny nose and stuffed up head. I didn't sleep at all last night and this morning still felt very tired and stuffed up. I'm thankful that right now work can wait and sick days are a plenty! It's weird that I've been sick the last 3 times that I had time off. I don't get it but know that I need the extra rest and am thankful for it.

"He did not want her to see him like this, she understood that, but the alternative was worse. They were so close to nothing already- or so she'd thought, because afterward it was harder than she could have imagined. There were days when she got dressed fully intending to go to the hospital, but there was no one there. It was like going mad, she supposed. Everything she was so certain of, everything that held intense meaning for her, no longer existed. She spent hours pursuing pointless rituals, talking to herself or people invisible to others, addressing objects, then suddenly stopped and scourged herself for it, furious with her own emotions."

I can't ever imagine life without my husband. Even more, I can't imagine almost 50 years of marriage and then life without him. How do people go on? I know it's by the grace of God, but the logistics of that are lost to me. The mere thought of it overcomes me.

My mom's birthday was yesterday, March 18th. I won't tell you how old she is, but you would never guess because she still looks amazing. I have so much respect for my mom. She's one of those moms who becomes your best friend over time. One that knows you well and loves getting to know you again and again year after year. I had moments (very brief I'm sure!) during adolescence when I was...how shall I say...hard to handle. I can only imagine the prayers and tears that were shed on my behalf. Prayers and tears that I fully believe helped me to become who I am today. My mom has never judged me and yet has shown tough love when needed. She's smart and quirky and has a heart of gold. Every day I become more like her and although at one point in time that might have made me cringe, I now embrace the evolution realizing how blessed I am to follow in such worthy foot steps.

I have been reading Henri Nouwen's "Reaching Out" and in it he talks about how parenting is a form of hospitality. In it he writes:

"What parents can offer is a home, a place that is receptive but also has the safe boundaries within which their children can develop and discover what is helpful and what is harmful. There their children can ask questions without fear and can experiment with life without taking the risk of rejection. There they can be encouraged to listen to their own inner selves and to develop the freedom that gives them the courage to leave the home and travel on. The hospitable home indeed is the place where father, mother and children can reveal their talents to each other, become present to each other as members of the same human family and support each other in their common struggles to live and make live."

I read this paragraph and was struck by how much I understood exactly what he was talking about. I grew up in a home like this one. And I know how blessed I am because most people today have grown up in a home nothing like the one described above. My mom played a major part in making our home one in which we could be ourselves without fear of judgement or ridicule. My mom put in the time with us to make sure that we knew we were loved. My mom worked to help pay the bills and yet I never felt like her career came before her family. My mom created a home that was and still is a home to all. I've never seen my mom turn someone away. She's a lover and a fighter and for that, with tears in my eyes, I am eternally grateful. This is the mom I strive to be. Thank you Mom for years and years of love and laughter, I look forward to many, many more. Happy belated birthday!!

Well, we are all moved in. There's still some arranging/ re-arranging to be done so no pics quite yet, but I will have them soon. My goal today is to find the perfect place for all of our belongings and leave them there! Dustin and I absolutely love the new place. It's not quite as big as I had remembered it..in fact it's still quite small as far as actual square footage. But the high ceilings and huge front window add a lot of ambiance and have already affected us positively. It has challenges of its own, such as sloping ceilings and virtually no storage space in the bathroom, but I am my mother's daughter and therefore love a decorating challenge.

I find it quite amusing that in Dustin and I's relatively short dating/ marriage relationship of just over 3 years, we have moved either one or both of us 4 times!! That's a lot! I feel like we have both learned our responsibilities when it comes to moving day and give our best efforts to make sure it goes as smoothly, stresslessly, and even as fun as possible. A special shout out to Dan and Chris for helping us move the big stuff, i.e. couches, bed, dresser. Thank you for saving me the strenuous physical exertion and thank you from Dustin for saving him from my emotional breakdown!

Dustin is at work painting right now, so I should probably get back to setting our home in order so pics can be taken!!

- From the apartment above the garage

Dustin and I went with our friends Jason and Kim to see the movie "300" on Saturday night. We snuck Dollar store candy into the movie just like old times. I was pretty pleased with the movie (specifically the wardrobe, hehehehheh) It was a little over the top in places, but that's to be expected from an epic such as this one. I left loving the passion of the Spartans and the beauty of Greek culture.

I am still slowly inching my way to losing weight. I haven't weighed myself in a month. I'm scared to know the depth of my progress or, more likely, lack of progress. I felt fat yesterday but thinner today. It's a never ending emotional battle and food seems to be the enemy (although i could have swore it was an ally the last time I checked.) It's so hard for me to give up those comfort foods of breads, cheeses, and sweets. And so I press on...

I am missing my nieces and wanting more pictures of them. Send pictures Beth!!!

I have been in one of those moods lately where I am missing my friends and family and yet don't call them. Sometimes it's almost easier to think of them instead of hearing their voice and being reminded of just how far away we really are. It's no excuse, I need to be better about calling and writing.

We move in three days!! Pictures to come as soon as all boxes are disposed of and every item is strategically and loving placed in its very new spot.

It is ironic that I just opened up my Word file entitled “thoughts” and there’s a blank page. It’s not just ironic but true. I have had many thoughts as of late, but have failed to get them on paper. In fact, I believe this has caused poor sleep habits and wild imaginations because my most basic thoughts, my heart, my struggles, my voice has been stifled by my own laziness. I would like to do a study on laziness because in my personal opinion it is the root of stunted spiritual growth in our culture today, but that is for another time.

I attended a writing workshop on Saturday. It was somewhat of a last minute decision, although I had been contemplating it for weeks. Money was an issue, of course. But this week I had a bit of a revelation. While working on our annual budget at The Salvation Army, I realized that I wasn’t enjoying my work all that much. This might not seem like a big deal to anyone else, but to anyone who knows me well, they know that I have always enjoyed financial and number related tasks. My best friend, Jaime, would make fun of me in college for “saving” my accounting homework for my break from writing a paper. The truth is, I enjoy both numbers and words. Recently, through my graduate degree and my career, I have focused more on numbers. I realized this week that my interests are lying elsewhere. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not ready to give up my addiction to numbers yet, they are in some bizarre way soothing and comfortable to me. But this desire to write that has been screaming inside of me, I feel, can’t be stifled any longer. At the very least, I feel that I need to give it a voice and see what it has to say. And so I went to the Women’s Writer’s Conference at Western Seminary and I am so thankful that I did.

The main theme throughout the whole conference was this- write because it’s a gift from God and for God. Do not write for the sole purpose of being successful and making lots of money and having lots of books, etc. The only way to deal with the ups and downs of a writer’s career is to write because you have to. Because you could never give it up and if you did you would cease to be you. I thanked God for that reminder. Because I’m not ready to pursue a writing career and I don’t know that that is what God has in store for me. Our main speaker resonated with my heart when she said, “You know, I’m not one of those people who are ok with failing. You know the type of people that if they fail at something the first time they try it again, and again, and again. That is not me! I know when I’m not good at something and I just don’t do it. I only do what I’m good at because I don’t like to fail.” That is my heart exactly. This has been a huge fear for me when thinking about writing. I don’t want to fail at it. I don’t want to be not good enough. But this weekend reminded me that writing isn’t to be the best, it’s just to be. I write because that’s who I am and that’s how I best communicate with myself and with God. Another slap-in-the-face revelation was that I haven’t been communicating best with God because I haven’t been writing. I haven’t been completely honest with myself because I haven’t been writing. Writing helps me to be me and that’s why I need to do it.

So I’m excited to recommit myself to be me and to make God a bigger priority in my life. I’m also realizing probably the biggest negative affect of living in a studio apartment is the lack of privacy. I don’t mind sharing space with Dustin, I like being close to him all the time. But it’s hard to “get away” for those critical and desperate times with God when you bare your soul in such a way that only God could understand or want to see. (For example, Dustin just turned on Seinfield and it’s so hard not to listen!! But I press on!) My prayer is that I’m able to find those times of utter abandonment in order to be painfully real. And even more to stop being lazy.

"Contemplation is also the response to a call: a call from Him who has no voice, and yet Who speaks in everything that is, and Who, most of all, speaks in the depths of our own being, for we ourselves are words of His. But we are words that are meant to respond to Him, to answer to Him, to echo Him, and even in some way to contain Him and signify Him. Contemplation is this echo. It is a deep resonance in the inmost center of our spirit in which our very life loses its separate voice and re-sounds with the majesty and the mercy of the Hidden and Living One. He answers Himself in us and this answer is divine life, divine creativity, making all things new. We ourselves become His echo and His answer."

I've been contemplating this, I ask that you join me.

- I pass a business downtown called Moonlight Staffing. Their phone number is 1-800-Work-Late. I just wonder what type of "work" they do late.

- I was listening to Dustin's Ipod and wishing for the millionth time that I had a beautiful singing voice. I love to sing, but I really suck at it. When I'm by myself, I belt it out, knowing that God doesn't mind. But when others are around I whisper sing which really sucks. All of a sudden today I had the desire to learn to play the piano. I have never been interested in the piano before, but listening to Keane today made me appreciate anew the beauty that the piano brings to a song. I want to be a part of beautiful music so bad, maybe this is a way. I've never been very musically inclined but I also don't believe that you can't teach an old dog new tricks.

- I was thinking of the life lessons that I want to pass on to my children. The number one financial lesson I will teach my children is how to save money and how not to depend on credit cards. We live in a society that assumes we all must use and abuse credit cards, like without them we would all starve or freeze to death. I am so impressed with people who don't use credit cards, or who can pay them off every month. I am realizing that how you handle debt really is a lifestyle choice. I believe to be the best stewards with our money we need to save and make proactice decisions about the future, rather than using credit cards for last minute decisions. I want my children to understand delayed gratification in a way that I have yet to learn. I don't want to raise brats, I want to raise appreciative and free children. Having credit card debt totally takes your freedom away. It may seem like it gives freedom but that is a lie. Using a credit card is like paying $12 for a $4 frappucino. Who wants to do that? Today, I am saying NO to you credit cards and YES to you savings account with $3 in it. I guess you've got to start somewhere, right??? =)

- I kept thinking about this report on homelessness that I recently read. I will write more about this later, but I just can't get it out of my mind. I see homeless people every day, on the max, in the park, downtown, outside the grocery store. My heart breaks for them. I feel so helpless when I only have $2 to give them and get so mad when I don't have any cash on me at all. I can't imagine how they feel. I'm at a loss.

On Friday night Dustin and I went out to dinner with Jason, Kim,Dan and Molly. The restaurant was called Montage and it is known for it's flavorful mac & cheese. They seat you family style at long tables with parties sitting right next to eat other. I must say the food was pretty amazing. Dustin ordered the Spicy Mac and was pleasantly pleased. I ordered the Famous Linguini with Vegetables. It was very delicious as well, although a little too hot. I don't mind spicy foods, but I feel like overly spicy takes away from the eating experience. Instead, I'm downing water all night long trying to cool down my tongue. But I digress, the best quirk about this restaurant was their version of the "doggie bag". They wrap your left overs with tin foil in different animal shapes or flowers. Naturally, I requested a turtle and Dustin got a crab. As you can see below they were fighting a bit, but in the end my turtle won!! =)

We saw a few giraffes that were over 3 feet tall, so crazy!! Kim got a penguin that was so cute and Molly requested a spider. It looked awesome, very scary!!

We had a really great time hanging out with friends. It was especially nice when I dominated at Nertz!! I am the card playing champion!!

- Well, tomorrow is my very first business trip with the Salvation Army. I'll be traveling to Eugene, Oregon for the night and staying in a Quality Inn. High class!! It will be nice to meet other employees and make sure I'm doing what I'm suppose to be doing!!

- Dustin and I have been watching the DVD's of The Office. I felt like I wasn't truly appreciating the new episodes and I was right. I appreciate them and laugh so much more now that I've watched from the beginning. (Let me just say that TV shows on DVD's are the greatest invention ever!!) I am a little concerned, however, that we might becoming obsessive. For example, this past weekend the guy that lives above us left for the weekend but forgot to turn off his alarm. So on Saturday morning we heard from 6-7am the constant beeping of the alarm. We obviously couldn't go back to sleep while it was beeping, so our first thought was to watch an episode of The Office to kill time. That night I wasn't feeling well so we watched about 6 more episodes. If that's wrong then I don't want to be right.

- Dustin and I went to hear Brian McClaren speak on Friday night. He was in a word, "amazing"! As I knew he would be. Sitting there listening to him speak reminded me of being back at Lincoln Christian College, sitting in the dark chapel for Focus, and just being floored by what the speaker for the night was saying. Brian, like those speakers, are passionate about God and so incredibly insightful. I was like a sponge when I was at Lincoln and I was blessed to be in the presence of so many incredible thinkers, communicators, and livers. Thank you to Brian for moving me in a way that I haven't been moved in quite some time. And thank you even more for your incredible insight.

- Before Brian McClaren spoke, a couple of ladies led us in worship through music. They sang a song that I had never heard. It was written by Angie and Todd Fadel (I have no idea who they are but want to give them props b/c I'm about to write down their lyrics!!) I loved the lyrics so much because they are just real and true. I didn't write down the name of the song, but the lyrics are as follows:

Some things are worth the fight,
so I won't walk away.
I won't walk away this time.
Your Majesty, as plain as day.
But you choose the small and weak,
so I can say that

My joy is my peace on its feet
Your Spirit makes us all the same underneath
My joy is my peace on its feet
Your Spirit makes us all the same underneath.

Help me believe in You,
Help me believe in You,
Help me believer in You.

p.s. I apologize for the picture. I am at work and this is all I could find. =)

I will be praising my husband more throughout the week as we celebrate his 27th birthday on Wednesday. But I had to start singing his praises today because of this past weekend. Dustin fixed me dinner on Saturday night and I was so impressed!!! He lost a bet and therefore had to fix dinner. Instead of sulking like I know some guys might do, instead of fixing grilled cheese and soup, he went ALL OUT!! He took so much time picking out the perfect dinner and desert for us, purchased a bottle of my favorite wine, Reisling, and made sure it was a complete surprise! I was and am still so appreciative. He fixed a lime salsa chicken with cheesy salsa potatos, (Yum!!), a gorgeous salad, and banana something with whipped cream for desert. It was the best meal of my life for the following reasons:
1. I did not have to cook it.
2. I ate it in the comfort of my own home.
3. It was made with determination and love.

Doesn't it look delicious?? He even cut up limes for presentation!!


This is a picture of my joy at this surprise meal.


This is Dustin's look of joy at having completed the much anticipated meal.

At one point throughout the evening as I was leisurely reading Harry Potter, I thought I heard curses coming from the kitchen. I asked Dustin if everything was going ok. He replied, "This is the most stressful and frustrating thing I've ever done. There's so many things to keep track of and remember. It's hard!" Ah, the joy of multi-tasking.

Here's to you my sweet. You can cook for me any day!! =)

A few years back I read the book, "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. I read it while dating Dustin and it was great to help us understand how we both best communicate. It's a great book to read for any relationship wheather family, friend, or significant other. The way people give and receive love is a huge part of who they are. Knowing the way your significant other communicates love will go a LONG way in a marriage!! I have just been reminded of this while driving to work this morning. It dawned on me as I was enjoying the beautiful sunny, no-clowd day that I was wrong about how I communicate love. Just to get everyone up to speed, the five love languages are as follows:
1. Physical touch
2. Quality time
3. Gifts
4. Words of affirmation
5. Acts of service

Mr. Chapman says that we all communicate through each of these languages, but each person normally has one or two ways that they communicate most. I had previously thought that my primary love languages were physical touch and quality time. However, the revelation this morning informed me that my love languages are physical touch and acts of service. I feel like such an idiot for not realizing this sooner!! My whole life I have been taught that love is serving others. My whole family, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. all communicate love by helping each other. I have always said that I could count on my family for absolutely anything. That is what I love and appreciate so much about my family, they show love by serving others. My grandmother Martha Jean is the greatest example of this. I've never seen a woman so determined to love God and others by serving them.

All this to say that I now understand why Dustin calls me a princess when I'm around my family, my parents especially. They do whatever I want!! I can ask anything (almost!) of them and they will do it. Why? Because they love me!!! I like to think that they could ask anything of me and I will do it as well. That's the kind of friend I try to be. One that can be counted on for anything. That's the type of wife I try to be. I love serving Dustin. I enjoy getting him a drink, or helping with his sermon, or giving him a massage, or doing whatever he needs me to do.

The reason that this is such a revelation to me is now I understand why when I ask Dustin to do something for me and he says no or is hesitant my feelings get hurt. In that moment I can't understand why he wouldn't do something for me, knowing that I would do anything for him. In that moment I don't see anything else in the situation, such as other factors that might be affecting his decision, I only see my husband having a choice between loving and not loving me. Of course his thoughts have nothing to do with whether he loves me or not. He knows full well that he loves me and I know full well that he loves me, but in that moment I don't feel it.

I can't tell you how elated I am to realize this. I honestly feel like such a fool for not seeing the obvious sooner. Dustin and I have an amazing marriage. And this realization will only help to prevent future bumps in the road. My understanding of myself will help me to not falsely accuse him of not loving me and will help me to see the many other ways that he does show his love for me.

I highly recommend everyone married and dating couple to read this book and talk with your mate about your love languages. It is an extremely beneficial eye opener.

Dustin and I have committed to read through the bible in one year. We even got a One Year Bible to assist us in this process. It’s going well so far, I highly recommend everyone to try it. It’s nice to do it with Dustin for accountability and also so we can talk through what we’re reading which helps it to sink in instead of going in one ear and out the other. It also helps to be married to a seminary student. I expect him to have all the answers, sometimes he does and sometimes he doesn’t. The worst, however, is when he knows an answer and won’t tell me. Instead he makes me research it myself. Can you believe that??? I simply cannot.

Proverbs 2:16-22
“Wisdom will save you from the immoral woman, from the seductive words of the promiscuous woman. She has abandoned her husband and ignores the covenant she made before God. Entering her house leads to death; it is the road to the grave. The man who visits her is doomed.”

I read this passage a few days ago and was hit by its bluntness and complete truthfulness. I don’t know what’s going on in the world, but sometimes I feel like adultery is all around us. Dustin and I have learned of a few different friends/ acquaintances who are in the ministry and have wrecked their lives because of adultery. It’s sad and painful and unbelievable. It hurts to see a happy marriage and beautiful families completely torn apart because of a stupid choice. It may have only been an instant, but that’s all it takes for us to sin and completely ruin everything that we had worked so hard to get. I am reminded that absolutely no one is immune from this temptation, including Dustin and myself. I am convinced that only by God’s help are any of us able to remain people of integrity. I try every time I think of friends or family who are married to say a quick prayer of protection for their marriage. I ask that you do the same for Dustin and I.

Dustin and I have finally got a gym membership to 24 hour fitness and i can't even describe how excited I am. They were also having a deal where you get five 25 minutes personal training sessions for only $55, what a steal!! So Dustin and I have signed up for that too. Today was our first day with the personal trainers. I met my girl at 6pm and talked through a lot of stuff like nutrition, goals, etc. She measured me in every and somewhat odd areas and gave me my body fat percentage. I am mortified to reveal it here, so I press on. At 6:45pm I attended my first class at the gym (also included in the membership), hip hop!! And it kicked my arse!! My legs are going to hurt so much tomorrow. My face was the color of a tomato b/c I was so hot. But I loved EVERY SINGLE MINUTE of it!! I miss dancing so much (I'm sure many friends will be teasing me about revealing that yet again), but it's true. I am even more elated that I can take "free" dance classes with this new membership. I have never in my life been more determined to become healthy. Every area of my life needs work and I am excited to know that I will one day be skinny. Skinny Kelli has been stuck inside of bigger Kelli for too long. NO more I say, "No more!" she screams. Other classes I will be trying out include 24 Aqua, 24 step, Dancer's workout, Pilates, and Yoga.

What I learned today was:
- Women who are eating 1700 calories a day are gaining weight. Women must eat between 1300-1500 to lose weight.
- Building muscle is where most of the weight loss comes from. So don't just focus on cardio and forget the weights.
- It's better to warm up on cardio for 5 minutes, then do a 30 minute weight set, then do the rest of your cardio.
- I need to keep a food journal for accountability and to realize what problem areas might be.
- I need to eat 5-6 meals a day in order to lose weight. John (see below) explained it like this, if a Sumo wrestler eats 1 meal a day and a body builder eats 8 meals a day, most people wanting to lose weight and remain fit need to eat 5-6 meals a day. Makes sense.
- I can expect to lose 1-2 pounds per week, which means I can lose 20 pounds by the end of April!!!!!
- There is hope for everyone!! John was the 'sales' guy who signed us up for our membership and he use to weigh 681 pounds!!! Can you believe it!! He's now around 300 and looks great. He's kind of the poster boy for 24 hour fitness. What I love about this membership is that it wasn't a skinny-from-birth little thing trying to sell me a social club. John was serious about helping us to change our lifestyle and have a higher level of life because of it.

I finally feel like the pieces are in place to make changes that I have wanted to make for so long.
I am so thankful that I have a supportive husband who is in this with me and who has never judged me, not even once. I don't know how women live with men who are critical of their weight. I say, "look at your beer gut and love handles and then you can talk to me!" My next personal training appointment is on Saturday and I wish it was right now!!

On the last note, all of my peeps out there who struggle with their weight just like I do, I must encourage you to look into whatever you can to make a change. It is worth it, your life is worth whatever money or time or inconvenience it might be. I love you, and I want you to be healthy and happy, so go, go, go!!!

I have been rereading the Harry Potter series and am struck again by the simplicity of the story. It’s a story about good vs. evil, courage, friendship, wisdom, growing into oneself, I could go on and on. I assume that everyone who has read the books loves Dumbledore. He is the older, wise voice that guides and encourages Harry to do what is right. I was struck by something that Dumbledore said to Harry about Harry missing his deceased parents. He said,

“ You think the dead we loved ever truly leave us. You think that we don’t recall them more clearly than ever in times of great trouble? Your father is alive in you, Harry, and shows himself most plainly when you have need of him.”

For all of us who have lost someone close to us, these words brings tears and comfort. Knowing that those we have loved still matter helps us to get through one more day. Knowing that in those hard and troublesome times that we are not alone helps to take the fear of the unknown away. There’s a physical finality in death, but not a spiritual one. A person who dies isn’t gone completely, their memory lives on. We can’t forget their laugh and stories and frustrations and friendship and love. What would be the point of any relationship if they were erased from our memory upon death. It’s an injustice, I believe, to forget those who are no longer living in bodily form. The justice is not in dwelling on the past, but in recognizing every individual who has touched our lives whether living or dead and using what we learned from them at just the right time.

A typical conversation of Dustin, a seminarian, and his wife.

Dustin: "So I read the dictionary today and it's soooooooooo good!"
Kelli: "Um...the dictionary? You read the dictionary?"
Dustin: "Yeah, the theological one. In fact, I even read more than I was suppose to because it's so fun."
Kelli: "Um...the dictionary? You read more than you were suppose to b/c it was 'fun'?"
Dustin: "Yeah, I might read the whole thing even though it's not required. I wish I could get the other two that go along with it so I could read them too."
Kelli: "Um...so you're wanting to read 3 dictionaries?? Who are you?"

I am officially married to the biggest nerd ever...sadly, that's what I love so much about him!!

So, I ended up having the whole day off. Dustin went into work early because the video store was so swamped today, obviously I wasn't the only ones who stayed home from work. Dustin and I took a walk around the the neighborhood. A lot of people were out and about enjoying a brisk walk like us. The streets are filled with fluffy snow. We even saw a lady getting around on skis!! It's been so long since I've seen this much snow. It really is so beautiful.

I was awoken this morning by a phone call from my boss saying that we weren't opening our office until later in the day due to the weather. Barracaded in our warm and dark "dungeon", I couldn't imagine what he was talking about. So I ran to the door, through it open, and exclaimed, "IT'S SNOWING!!!" And it's beautiful!!! Very cold, but so gorgeous. Dustin is in the shower now and we'll soon be playing in the white bliss! Pics to come!!

This is a picture of my mom in line at the Tillamook Cheese Factory for her 2nd helping of ice cream!! I have never met anyone who can guzzle ice cream like my mom. I'm very proud of her!


This is my parents and us at Henry's Tavern for dinner on New Year's Eve. Dustin and I love Henry's so much, it's probably our favorite place to dine in Portland. Mainly because it has the most expansive beer menu we've ever seen. And everyone knows how much Dustin appreciates good beer.


I welcome the new year and another chance to do things right and have fun in the process.

I have been rereading the Harry Potter series because, well, living with Dustin it would be impossible not to. Dustin is reading the series for the first time and absolutely loves it, as I knew he would. So, a typical day in the Bagby house contains phrases such as, "That bastard Malfoy! What's his problem!" or "Why doesn't Harry just tell Dumbledore what's going on?" or "Don't you love living at Hogwarts?" (as if we do). We are completely immersed in Harry Potter lingo and culture, it's pretty funny.

Thank you to Jamie Simkins for introducing me to the new Cinnamon Dulce Latte at Starbucks, WOW!!! SO GOOD!!! The frapucinno is even better. This could get dangerous.

Has anyone know or studied about alkaline verses acidic foods? I have looked online and I'm getting some conflicting results as far as which foods fall into what category. I am trying to eat more alkaline foods because I was told by the lady that gave me a facial it would help with my skin and also because I think it will help with the stomach problems I've been having lately. Any information would help.

I spent last Saturday at the spa for 5 WHOLE HOURS!!! It was incredible. The best mother-in-law in the whole world got me a gift certificate for Christmas and I decided to indulge in the Ultimate Relaxation Package which included: 1 hour massage, 5 step facial, manicure and spa pedicure. So relaxing and so much needed after the last 2 months. Thank you Deb!!

Dustin and I purchased our tickets to Illinois for April 26- May 7!!! We are super excited to see friends and family. So all of you who live in the Midwest area, prepare yourself for Bagbyfest 2007!!

Dustin and I watched 2 old Bond movies last night. After seeing the new Bond movie and loving it so much, we've decided to watch all the Bond movies. So we started with the first one ever made, Dr. No, and were pleasantly surprised. It's hard to know with old movies how cheesy they will seem to us. There were some cheesy parts, but overall, a really great movie. We then moved on to Pierce Brosnin's first Bond movie, Goldeneye. It was also a great flick. We couldn't help laughing all night long at how much Austin Powers spoofed Bond movies, so funny!! After watching all the Bond movies, I think we'll rewatch the Austin Powers' movies to compare some more.

I've been feeling kind of lazy lately. Not really wanting to cook or clean, but rather just lay around and watch TV or read. I don't know if it's because I still don't feel 100% from my illness, or the crash after the high of Christmas. Whatever it is, sorry to my husband for being a lazy wife. I promise it won't last forever (maybe just another few weeks!!)

A few pictures of our holiday escapades!
This was our Christmas center. This was the biggest tree that would fit in our apartment, cute but sad!















Dustin and I with the scary big foot guy at Camp 18, a cool log cabin restaurant. I should have got a picture of the center beam of the restaurant, it's HUGE!!!















A handsome man gazing out to the ocean!!




















My parents on the path down to the beach. The coast is so beautiful and rugged in Oregon, gorgeous!

I agree with what I've heard from many others, the holidays were kind of weird this year. For me I felt like I wasn't able to truly enjoy the Christmas season because I was running around all the time. I had to hastily shop for friends and family which I hated. I love being able to leisurely look for that perfect gift but I just didn't have time. I love enjoying the shopping madness and I love Starbucks at Christmas. There was one morning where I got to enjoy a peppermint mocha frapucino with my husband and it was a great morning.

What made Christmas even weirder was that I got sick. On Christmas night I started throwing up and didn't stop for 8 hours. So our Christmas was postponed a few days until I was feeling better. The doctor put me on a liquid diet for two days and told me to stay home from work until Jan. 2 so that was an unexpected but much needed break from work. I stayed in bed for 2 days before I was able to venture out for short excursions.

However, the best part of Christmas was that my parents came to visit for 10 days. They are flying out right now as I type this. I am so thankful that they were here to help take care of me while I was sick. And I'm even more thankful that I started feeling better so I could really enjoy them. I will be posting pictures soon of some of our adventures. I love that my parents are also my best friends. They are amazing people and I just love being around them. I miss them already. As I get older it gets harder and harder to say goodbye to them. I'm not for sure if it's because I appreciate them more and more each year, or that I feel increasingly more like I need their love and wisdom to help me with life, or that I see us all growing old and I want us to be together forever. Whatever it is, it's hard to be away from them and I look forward to another visit soon.

All in all, I am ready for 2007. I am excited about work and all the opportunities and challenges that are before me. I am excited to be living in Portland and enjoying this chapter of my life with Dustin. I am excited to be meeting new friends and keeping in touch with amazing old friends. I am excited that I am alive and healthy and month by month our bills are paid. I am excited to know God more this year and thankful for his grace which I will use desperately yet another year. What are you excited for in 2007?

I SURVIVED!!! You have no idea how nice it feels to have time to blog again. More importantly, you have no idea how nice it feels to know that my 15 hour days are over and I can have a life again. Just in time for the new year!!

There were so many times over the past two months that I have wanted to blog about something funny or heart warming that happened to me during my very first Salvation Army Christmas. But, it seemed as much as I chased time the more elusive it became. I hope to recap the ups and downs so all the world will get a glimpse of the complete insanity that I lived. I have been told by more than a few Salvation Army employees that officers don't count how many years they have left before retirement but rather how many Christmas' they have left. I see the utter joy on their faces when they only have 1 left and now I understand why.

The Salvation Army, I am learning, is really an incredible organization. I have so much respect for them and am hungry to learn how such a large non-profit organization has survived for so long all the while impacting the lives of so many in tremendous ways. I use that as a preface to my next statement, "What the hell are they thinking???" I have never known such chaos and stress and responsibility and frustration and pure insanity before. The Salvation Army all over the world takes on a completely other set of full time duties during Christmas time. They depend on volunteers so heavily, which is a full time job in itself, to get through the Christmas season. Not only was I coordinating over 100 bell ringers to man 50 locations 6 days a week 8 hours a day. But the other staff were coordinating providing food and toys to 2200 families....complete chaos. All of this was going on in our office space that we are too big for on a normal day so you can only imagine what an additional 30 volunteers, 1000 pounds of food, and 100 metal kettles lying around would look like.

With all that said, here are the highlights and lowlights of my first Salvation Army Christmas:
1. Explaining to each bell ringer orientation why they will be fired if caught stealing.
2. Letting a bell ringer go for "making unwanted advances at the store's female employees."
3. Being at work by 8:30am and leaving at 11:00pm 3-4 nights per week.
4. Receiving frantic calls on a Saturday morning from a bell ringer who wanted a new bell because hers wasn't loud enough.
5. Working with a woman who wanted to bell ring but had no place to sleep at night. It was all she could do during the day to find a place to stay and therefore couldn't continue to work for us. Absolutely heartbreaking.
6. Hiring a bell ringer who had to walk 12 miles to get to work. He would get off from bell ringing at 8pm, arrive at his "home" (really his run down truck) at midnight, only to be up to catch a ride into town at 6am. I have never seen such determination for an income.
7. Receiving my daily call from Sam, one of my favorite bell ringers. He is disabled and was my eyes and ears at the mall.
8. Having a bell ringer actually leave a kettle full of money on her stand in while she went to lunch, instead of leaving it at the customer service station right inside the door. (This is a very big no, no!!!)
9. Knowing that this seemingly insignificant minimum wage job is a life saver for some.
10. Not raising enough to meet the goal that we had set and wondering if there was more I could have done.

What I will NOT miss:
1. Working 6 days, 70 hours a week.
2. Only seeing my husband 3 nights a week.
3. Not feeling able to respond to the simplest of emails b/c of lack of time.
4. Being too busy to drink water ( I wish I was kidding.)
5. This sickness that I am hoping will leave now that my body won't be so stressed.
6. Having atleast 5-10 calls to return at any time of the day.
7. Wondering if my bell ringers are actually working.
8. Finding out that bell ringers didn't work and didn't let me know until that night.
9. Having to be stern with bell ringers when I really wanted to give them all that I had.
10. Bells!!!

What I WILL miss:
1. Meeting new people and hearing some amazing stories. I had many return bell ringers, people who love the job and look forward to it year after year.
2. Counting money. It was fun to see how much was brought in each day.
3. Providing a paycheck for some who need it so bad.
And that's about it. Not a lot I'm going to miss about this season, definitely ready to move on!!

Thank you Salvation Army for my breaking me in and thank you Jesus for bearing the weight. It feels good to breathe again.

Yesterday, November 18, was the anniversary of Dustin and my engagement. We commemorated the event by attending an Album Leaf concert. The Album Leaf holds a special place in our hearts because that was the music that was playing when Dustin got down on one knee, and it was the music that was playing when I walked down the aisle to the man of my dreams. They will always hold a special place in our hearts because every time I hear their music I am reminded of my love for Dustin and his love for me. What's so amazing about the Album Leaf is they don't use a lot of words in their songs. It is really just the music that moves the listener. Actually, I couldn't tell you more than 1 or 2 lines of actual words that I can remember from their music. But I could describe most songs on the album. They are incredible musicians and I just love that their music conveys more than words ever could. So thank you Album Leaf for using music to say so much more.

I have been learning so much lately through my church, my bible study, and the theology group that i'm a part of. My mind is reeling with God's voice and I love it! Dustin and I were just saying to one another the other day that we truly feel like we are right where God wants us. What an amazing feeling! When you're in that place, life isn't perfect, but all is well. It doesn't matter that we might not have a lot of money, or that our apartment is small, or that i'm homesick, or that we don't get to see each other as much as we'd like. All that matters is that God is using us right now, God is working in us individually and as a couple, and there's no better feeling in all the world than knowing that.

One thought that hit me on Sunday was this: John 9:39 says, "I entered this world to render judgement- to give sight to the blind and to show those who think they see that they are blind." I was stunned by the way that judgement is portrayed in the beginning of the verse by "giving sight to the blind." We think of judgement in such negative terms, we want evil people to get what they deserve. But about the innocent victim that is hurting, Jesus says his judgement makes their pain right and good. His judgement bring healing to the hurting. We can be a part of God's judgement right now. Instead of judging others in a negative way, but what if we started judging others in a positive way? What if we discerned the truth that a person is hurting and provided healing for them through a listening ear, a hot meal, or a few bucks for rent? What if we recognized the desperateness and hopelessness in others and provided God's love right then? We have two choices, we can wait for God's ultimate judgement to come when he does away with all the hurt and pain and restores us all to a new life. Or we can be a part of ushering in God's kingdom right now by judging those that need us, but acknowledging the misfortunate and taking action. Isn't that what God would do? Isn't that what God does every day of our lives? Isn't that what God will do in the end for us?

- Work is crazy busy and is only going to get more busy, so please excuse the days or weeks of seeming absence. There's so much that I want to write at times, but don't have time to write. At other times when I have time, my mind feels empty and so tired. Life is busy but great for Dustin and I. The rainy season has officially begun in Portland so that's not the greatest, but we'll make due.
- What I dislike about the west coast is the different time zone. It totally messes up my communication with my homies!! So sorry peeps!
- Dustin's mom is coming to visit in just 2 weeks!! Yeah, FAMILY!! I'm so excited to see a familar face and to share our small space with a loved one.
- Dustin and I signed up to hang out with the children at church yesterday. Wow! What an experience! They were crazy! Running around and laughing and not understanding how to play hide & seek but loving it anyway. They were so cute! It definitely reminded us both that now is NOT the time for us to have a little one! =)
- I missed not having any Halloween plans. I love seeing the pics of others' costumes. My favorite was Melissa's from Tampa, she went as a loofa! Brilliant! Here are some of my favorite pics! These are my nieces Savannah and Gabrielle. I miss them terribly!!







- Happy belated birthday to my best friend, Jaime! At 28 you are as beautiful as ever! I miss you girl! Here is a picture of us from last year's Halloween. Jaime is definitely the beautiful princess and I am the over done TV Evangelist's wife!

I just finished "The Age of Innocence" by Edith Wharton. Wow! Edith always has a depressing ending and she didn't disappoint with this book. I love the way that she writes because I feel like it's a bit more "action packed" than some of her other contemporaries. The ending while depressing wasn't shocking, it was just simply sad and a little pathetic. I definitely recommend it.

Currently, I am reading "My Bondage and My Freedom" by Frederick Douglass. He was born a slave and escaped in the 1800's. I still cannot fathom that slavery actually happened in our country. It seems so surreal. Frederick is an amazing writer and captures with words the richness of that time. I'm only about 1/3 of the way through, but I recommend it to everyone.

This morning I woke up so full of thankfulness and awe towards God. I look at my life and I see God's hand in every part of it. And I don't know why. Well, I know it's b/c God's amazing and awesome and beyond words. But I...I don't deserve it. I have no choice but to be thankful and humbled and awed my God who loves me so much.

"He chose to give birth to us by giving us his true word. And we, out of all creation, became his prized posession."

I have seen the beauty that is Creation/ Nature. Given, I have never seen the Swiss Alps or the Alaskan wild or the purity that is found on the beaches of a secluded island. I have, however, seen most of the United States. From Martha's Vineyard to the coasts of the Northwest, I have seen beauty in God's creation that is indescribable. God says out of ALL that beauty, out of ALL of His artistic work, we, humans, are his prized posession! Isn't that crazy! Most days I would much rather have a secluded beach than most people's drama. Nature seems so unflawed and we, humans, quite frankly are so flawed (myself included!) But God would rather be with us. We make him the proudest, no matter our mistakes or failures or sins or fears or insecurities. We are God's #1 prize!!

I pray that you rest in that truth with all the peace and comfort and strength that I am resting in today.

I've called about 30 churches and I have 4 who are interested or semi-interested...not bad I would say. My self-esteem is holding up nicely and so I thank all of my friends who have supported me through this critical time. I press on..

I like the song by Joe Joe called, "It's a little too late." I don't know why, I just do.

I've been feeling emotional lately. I took a walk to clear my head the other night and ended up in tears. Finally, a release and an understanding of my emotional rollercoaster. I am homesick. The revelation hit me like a ton of bricks but it makes sense now. I remember feeling this way every fall since I moved away from home. Not only do I love fall, I believe I love because it reminds me of my family and friends. Walking around our neighborhood, I was reminded of the cozy feeling that fall brings. I saw families enjoying grilling out and sitting by their fireplaces, dads raking leaves and kids playing in those leaves, halloween decor, and wet fallen leaves amidst the crisp fresh smell after the rain. I was reminded of home. I began crying b/c I love all these things and I want a home with all of these things. I miss my mom and dad, my beautiful nieces, my grandma and so many more. I love where I am in life, I love that I live in Portland with the most amazing husband in the world, and I love that I love my job and my church. In the midst of it all, I miss the group of people that has been the closest for the longest, my family. I love you family.

Today's the day I make phone calls to over 200 churches trying to get them to partner with The Salvation Army. I hate cold calling and don't handle rejection well. Please pray for me to not take all the rejection personally. I'm trying to keep positive. For instance, if I get 10 new churches to work with us, I will consider these efforts a success. Ten out of 200...not bad.

Any advice?

Community Service 101- Some of you may know that I got a speeding ticket on my first day driving to me new job!! I have since learned that cops in Oregon don't mess around and therefore I won't anymore either. Instead of paying the ticket I opted for community service. Luckily, I work with a non-profit and can "do my time" there. I started this week, staying late after work and went in on Saturday. it SUCKS not being able to sleep in on Saturdays for the next month, but i guess "if you do the crime you've got to do the time" (that's how it goes, right?)

Free Movies- Dustin and I are very thankful to Hollywood Video for allowing their employees free rentals, we are and will continue to take advantage of that. Last night we watched "10th and Wolf" and "Proposition". We liked the first but not so much the second. On Friday night we watched "the Break Up" with Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn. Vince Vaughn is just so funny! I thought the movie was ok. However, afterward Dustin and I had to convince ourselves that the ending meant that they were getting back together because neither one of us could handle it if they didn't. It's just hard to watch two people break up, even if it is just a movie, it's still hard to watch the reality of what happens in a break up. It's so painful. I am very thankful that I will never, ever have to go through that again.

Aflac- Dustin and I are thinking of purchasing some insurance with Aflac. Anybody use it, have any comments?

Middlesex- Currently, I am reading "Middlesex" by Jeffrey Eugenides. Quite interesting to say the least. But I love the way he writes, so entertaining and informed at the same time. I recommend it. (I don't want to tell you what it's about, I want you to be just as surprised as I was once I started reading it!)

Church- I gotta get ready for church. Last week after church we went with 3 other couples to a Greek Festival. Um....AMAZING FOOD!! I love gyro's!! They are my fave and so I was quite happy. I love getting to see a little part of another culture. Adults and children were all dressed up doing some sort of dance. And the Greek Orthodox church who was hosting it was open for people to look around (we weren't able to do that, damn!) The best part was the sign that read, "No alcohol off of church grounds." Isn't that so ironic???? Not normally what you see in present day evangelical churches. I loved it!

Enjoy the pics!! And find out all of the provacative details here.


This is our bath which is carved out of a log. As you can see the very hot water is coming out of the spout and filling our bath. Dustin had to haul in 4 buckets of cold water to get the oh-so-right temperature.

This is the bath house with about 6 private compartments (thank God we got one of those!) and a larger public bath (you DON'T want to be in that water!)


This tree was HUGE!! Dustin stood completely upright in it. Part of the tree was just laying on the ground. We wondered how long it had been there and how they ever got it down.

This tree was laying on the side of the mountain as we walked by. It looked like it could slide down and crush you at any moment, so cool.We took a lot more pics but many of them didn't turn out and even if they did they just don't do this place justice. (i have no idea why this text is underlined, but please ignore it, i'm not trying to highlight it for any reason, so weird blogger!)