"Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be.
Remind me that my days are numbered-
how fleeting my life is.
You have made my life no longer than the
width of my hand.
My entire lifetime is just a moment to you;
at best, each of us is but a breath.
We are merely moving shadows,
and all our busy rushing ends in nothing.
We heap up wealth,
not knowing who will spend it.
And so, Lord, where do I put my hope?
My only hope is in you."

Life has been quite crazy since returning from vacation. Here are some highlights.

1. My close friend and roommate from college, Abbie, visited for a few days last weekend. We drove to Multnomah Falls and Mt. Hood. Incredibly beautiful!! Here are some pics.

From the Parking lot


From the 2 hour wait restaurant





Looking over the edge





Beautiful Mt. Hood! It is so huge and pristine and amazing. I love living by mountains!!



2. Last week was National Salvation Army Week and we had a cookout every afternoon to celebrate. I got my fill of hot dogs and might have lung cancer from the smokey burgers on the grill. Overall, the week was great and we were able to feed over 250 people, but it was a lot of work and I am so glad it's over!!

3. Dustin and I went to the Ben Gibbard concernt on Saturday night for my birthday. It was a great show! I just love him and his voice and his lyrics. You can read Dustin's review here. I agree that I, too, feel old. My feet always hurt so bad after standing at concerts. And I also agree that Ben is a poet and not just a musician. His lyrics paint the most beautiful pictures in a way that touches the heart. Thanks to Ben for great music and thanks to my husband for a great birthday present!

4. We watched the seasonal finale of The Office with the Leonardo's on Thursday night and had such a great time. The icing on the cake was Jim and Pam getting together. Thank you to the creators of The Office for not making us wait until next season for that! And thanks to Chris and Karli for being good friends.

5. I am glad to be back to life as normal in Portland. This is our first summer in Portland and although it's cold and rainy today, it's been so beautiful this past week. I'm thankful for our church, Evergreen Community, and the friends we've met there. I'm thankful for my job and the new staff that we hired. I'm thankful to be a part of making a difference in our world.

The Lashbrook/ Bagby Family picture
(I love Gabi's face in this one. Kids last about 2 minutes when it comes to taking pictures. I kind of like it because looking at Gabi makes me remember the experience- pleading with her to smile or atleast to look at the camera, her making funny faces and acting crazy because she doesn't want to sit still, etc. Good times!)


Dustin and me





Clint, Bethany, Savannah and Gabrielle Lashbrook

I have recently discovered my undyling love for David James Duncan based on this book. It is probably the most amazing book I've ever read. I don't want to overstate my excitement and love for the book so as to creative an unattainable level of expectation and possibly shatter the love that you will have for Mr. Duncan, but I LOVE THIS BOOK!!!!!!! Not only is it a great story but Mr. Duncan is an incredible writer. I have noticed with other books that I have read recently that writers are, I don't know, trying to be almost overly creative, or not completely forthright in information so as a reader I am left to put the pieces together or something, I'm not for sure how to describe it. All I know is that a great story doesn't take any writing "tricks", just write the damn story and don't leave me to guess what you're trying to say. In the way of John Steinbeck, Mr. Duncan does exactly this. Both Duncan and Steinbeck write rich and yet simple stories. "Brothers K" is about the complexity and hilarity of family, life, love, religion, success, vocatioin, etc. There were numerous times during this book that I was laughing out loud or putting down the book for fear that I would start bawling. He tugs at your heart strings in such real ways. Reading about this family and their relationships reminds me of my own. No one has a perfect family, but there are strong and deep bonds that stand the test of time and endure the ups and downs of life. I highly recommend everyone read this book. I think I'll read it again.

P.S. Because I have the most amazing husband in the world and he happened to have $3, I am now reading Duncan's "The River Why". Anyone who enjoys fishing would definitely love this book because it's about a family obsessed with fishing. I get a bit confused while reading it sometimes because I am completely ignorant of anything remotely related to fishing, so it's taking me a little longer to love this book. However, it is humorous and clever just like "Brother's K" and so I love it as well.

Our visit home has been one of the best ever. Not only have we had more time with our families than we normally do, but we've got to do some every day stuff with family, such as watch my niece Savannah's gymnastics and t-ball practice and babysit my nieces Savannah and Gabrielle while Bethany worked. I love being a part of every day life when I'm at home. I don't want all of our visits to be about my family rearranging their lives just because we are home. Rather, I want to be included in their everyday lives. We've played, relaxed, ate, shopped, ate some more, talked, laughed, ate again, and still haven't stopped eating!! (Desperately in need of working out!!)

The BEST part of our vacation has been the surprise of seeing my best friend Jaime. My mom and dad surprised me by flying Jaime up from Florida in order to spend the weekend with us. It was so awesome!! Thanks mom and dad for thinking of our friendship and how much we missed each other. In honor of prom weekend, we took a "senior pic". Hehehehehhe

















Here are some pics from our great vacation so far:

Savannah and Gabrielle love their Uncle Dustin.



















One big happy family!



















Sweet Gabrielle! I was so thankful that Gabi warmed up to Dustin and me quickly. We had a great time playing and trying to coax her into saying our names. She'll only say our names if she's repeating what Savannah says. I guess that's a start. =)

Just 2 days until we board a plane for our homeland, the beatiful state of cornfields, Dairy Queens and small towns. I feel like I have about 100 things on my To-Do list before I leave, so I'm hoping that I don't have a mental breakdown. More than that, I'm hoping that I can truly enjoy our vacation and not worry about the million things going on when I get back. Tomorrow, I am interviewing for our Receptionist position. I have interviews every 30 minutes from 10am-3pm. Last week during our interviews for a Children & Youth Pastor, I almost feel asleep during the last one. Oops!

The weather is beautiful here in Portland today. I spent all day at a Grant Writing Workshop through the Foundation Center. I learned a lot and am super pumped to research grants now. I always feel like that after a day spent on one thing. Unfortunately, I won't be able to do anything with it until I return from vacation and after National Salvation Army Week (May 14-20). Everyone who's reading this needs to look up their local Salvation Army and see what their needs are and then try to help out, especially during National Salvation Army Week. Ok? Promise?

We've been studying the book of James in church and I'm really enjoying it. I'm finding it very relevant to what's going on in my life in a variety of areas right now. Two weeks ago, we discussed the first part of chapter 1. It says, "..when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy." It's such a hard verse to live out. Our pastor made a great point when he said, "When life doesn't go the way we want, we question God himself rather than our assumptions about Him. Hard times should make us question God but not the way we normally do. Instead of asking 'Why God?' we should ask 'What God? What can you do with this God?" Wow. I'm still thinking about this and how I can do it every day. I haven't had a difficult life compared to most and I am very thankful for that. But even the small struggles count as an opportunity for either great joy or bitterness and resentment toward God. I am trying to remember as I think about our financial situation and how overwhelmingly hopeless it appears, I am trying to remember as I wait patiently for a home and child, I am trying to remember to Pray, to ask God to use my present situation and not to let this present suffering be wasted in my life. I am trying to remember that although the perfect life by the world's standards is tempting, I have chosen the way of Jesus, therefore my life probably won't look like the world's perfect life. Sometimes I hate that and sometimes I fully embrace it. Either way, my heart is set. I pray God reminds me of it every day.

I turned 28 on Saturday and it was a good birthday. I was joined by friends at Benihana's Japanese Steakhouse and had a great time. This was the first time we had been to Benihana's and we are a little disappointed, mainly because our "asian" chef was named Raphael and didn't even throw knives! What's the deal Beni? The food was totally delictable, you just can't beat Japanese Steakhouse cuisine. Thank you to Mike, Katie, Chris, Karli, Jason and Kim for sharing my special day with me.

Dustin and the birthday girl (check out my cool balloon birthday hat. Dustin said it looked like DNA.)


















Mike and Katie Alpert




















Chris and Karli Leonardo


















Jason and Kim Seimer


















This is the awesome picture that Jason was tring to take of us. He's no photographer but let's not tell him that!

This is our front yard and the view from our new, big window. I love to look out the window. Dustin laughs at me because every time he comes out of the shower, I'm just sitting and looking out of our window. I can't tell you how nice it is to be able to look outside. The weather in Portland has been gorgeous and I just can't get enough of the blue skies and beautiful flowers.



This is our bedroom and office area. I've used my screen to hide our closet because the sloping ceiling doesn't allow the closet to have a door, and closets are very ugly without a door, so the screen is nice. This is Dustin busy on the computer. I'd like to say that he's doing homework, but let's be real, he's probably blogging. =)































This is our one big window and our living room area. We love our big window! Although we have to remind ourselves that people can see in. Oops!




































This is our dining area and kitchen. I don't know why they chose a purple wall and blue cabinets, but we make due. Notice again the sloping ceiling (which have caused many decorating challenges!) Now that everything is put in its place, we absolutely love our new home. It's still very small and challenging at times, but we are extremely thankful for it. God has been so good to us.

I am sick today. It started with a sore throat a few days before our weekend vacation and came to a peak yesterday on the drive home with a runny nose and stuffed up head. I didn't sleep at all last night and this morning still felt very tired and stuffed up. I'm thankful that right now work can wait and sick days are a plenty! It's weird that I've been sick the last 3 times that I had time off. I don't get it but know that I need the extra rest and am thankful for it.

"He did not want her to see him like this, she understood that, but the alternative was worse. They were so close to nothing already- or so she'd thought, because afterward it was harder than she could have imagined. There were days when she got dressed fully intending to go to the hospital, but there was no one there. It was like going mad, she supposed. Everything she was so certain of, everything that held intense meaning for her, no longer existed. She spent hours pursuing pointless rituals, talking to herself or people invisible to others, addressing objects, then suddenly stopped and scourged herself for it, furious with her own emotions."

I can't ever imagine life without my husband. Even more, I can't imagine almost 50 years of marriage and then life without him. How do people go on? I know it's by the grace of God, but the logistics of that are lost to me. The mere thought of it overcomes me.

My mom's birthday was yesterday, March 18th. I won't tell you how old she is, but you would never guess because she still looks amazing. I have so much respect for my mom. She's one of those moms who becomes your best friend over time. One that knows you well and loves getting to know you again and again year after year. I had moments (very brief I'm sure!) during adolescence when I was...how shall I say...hard to handle. I can only imagine the prayers and tears that were shed on my behalf. Prayers and tears that I fully believe helped me to become who I am today. My mom has never judged me and yet has shown tough love when needed. She's smart and quirky and has a heart of gold. Every day I become more like her and although at one point in time that might have made me cringe, I now embrace the evolution realizing how blessed I am to follow in such worthy foot steps.

I have been reading Henri Nouwen's "Reaching Out" and in it he talks about how parenting is a form of hospitality. In it he writes:

"What parents can offer is a home, a place that is receptive but also has the safe boundaries within which their children can develop and discover what is helpful and what is harmful. There their children can ask questions without fear and can experiment with life without taking the risk of rejection. There they can be encouraged to listen to their own inner selves and to develop the freedom that gives them the courage to leave the home and travel on. The hospitable home indeed is the place where father, mother and children can reveal their talents to each other, become present to each other as members of the same human family and support each other in their common struggles to live and make live."

I read this paragraph and was struck by how much I understood exactly what he was talking about. I grew up in a home like this one. And I know how blessed I am because most people today have grown up in a home nothing like the one described above. My mom played a major part in making our home one in which we could be ourselves without fear of judgement or ridicule. My mom put in the time with us to make sure that we knew we were loved. My mom worked to help pay the bills and yet I never felt like her career came before her family. My mom created a home that was and still is a home to all. I've never seen my mom turn someone away. She's a lover and a fighter and for that, with tears in my eyes, I am eternally grateful. This is the mom I strive to be. Thank you Mom for years and years of love and laughter, I look forward to many, many more. Happy belated birthday!!

Well, we are all moved in. There's still some arranging/ re-arranging to be done so no pics quite yet, but I will have them soon. My goal today is to find the perfect place for all of our belongings and leave them there! Dustin and I absolutely love the new place. It's not quite as big as I had remembered it..in fact it's still quite small as far as actual square footage. But the high ceilings and huge front window add a lot of ambiance and have already affected us positively. It has challenges of its own, such as sloping ceilings and virtually no storage space in the bathroom, but I am my mother's daughter and therefore love a decorating challenge.

I find it quite amusing that in Dustin and I's relatively short dating/ marriage relationship of just over 3 years, we have moved either one or both of us 4 times!! That's a lot! I feel like we have both learned our responsibilities when it comes to moving day and give our best efforts to make sure it goes as smoothly, stresslessly, and even as fun as possible. A special shout out to Dan and Chris for helping us move the big stuff, i.e. couches, bed, dresser. Thank you for saving me the strenuous physical exertion and thank you from Dustin for saving him from my emotional breakdown!

Dustin is at work painting right now, so I should probably get back to setting our home in order so pics can be taken!!

- From the apartment above the garage

Dustin and I went with our friends Jason and Kim to see the movie "300" on Saturday night. We snuck Dollar store candy into the movie just like old times. I was pretty pleased with the movie (specifically the wardrobe, hehehehheh) It was a little over the top in places, but that's to be expected from an epic such as this one. I left loving the passion of the Spartans and the beauty of Greek culture.

I am still slowly inching my way to losing weight. I haven't weighed myself in a month. I'm scared to know the depth of my progress or, more likely, lack of progress. I felt fat yesterday but thinner today. It's a never ending emotional battle and food seems to be the enemy (although i could have swore it was an ally the last time I checked.) It's so hard for me to give up those comfort foods of breads, cheeses, and sweets. And so I press on...

I am missing my nieces and wanting more pictures of them. Send pictures Beth!!!

I have been in one of those moods lately where I am missing my friends and family and yet don't call them. Sometimes it's almost easier to think of them instead of hearing their voice and being reminded of just how far away we really are. It's no excuse, I need to be better about calling and writing.

We move in three days!! Pictures to come as soon as all boxes are disposed of and every item is strategically and loving placed in its very new spot.

It is ironic that I just opened up my Word file entitled “thoughts” and there’s a blank page. It’s not just ironic but true. I have had many thoughts as of late, but have failed to get them on paper. In fact, I believe this has caused poor sleep habits and wild imaginations because my most basic thoughts, my heart, my struggles, my voice has been stifled by my own laziness. I would like to do a study on laziness because in my personal opinion it is the root of stunted spiritual growth in our culture today, but that is for another time.

I attended a writing workshop on Saturday. It was somewhat of a last minute decision, although I had been contemplating it for weeks. Money was an issue, of course. But this week I had a bit of a revelation. While working on our annual budget at The Salvation Army, I realized that I wasn’t enjoying my work all that much. This might not seem like a big deal to anyone else, but to anyone who knows me well, they know that I have always enjoyed financial and number related tasks. My best friend, Jaime, would make fun of me in college for “saving” my accounting homework for my break from writing a paper. The truth is, I enjoy both numbers and words. Recently, through my graduate degree and my career, I have focused more on numbers. I realized this week that my interests are lying elsewhere. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not ready to give up my addiction to numbers yet, they are in some bizarre way soothing and comfortable to me. But this desire to write that has been screaming inside of me, I feel, can’t be stifled any longer. At the very least, I feel that I need to give it a voice and see what it has to say. And so I went to the Women’s Writer’s Conference at Western Seminary and I am so thankful that I did.

The main theme throughout the whole conference was this- write because it’s a gift from God and for God. Do not write for the sole purpose of being successful and making lots of money and having lots of books, etc. The only way to deal with the ups and downs of a writer’s career is to write because you have to. Because you could never give it up and if you did you would cease to be you. I thanked God for that reminder. Because I’m not ready to pursue a writing career and I don’t know that that is what God has in store for me. Our main speaker resonated with my heart when she said, “You know, I’m not one of those people who are ok with failing. You know the type of people that if they fail at something the first time they try it again, and again, and again. That is not me! I know when I’m not good at something and I just don’t do it. I only do what I’m good at because I don’t like to fail.” That is my heart exactly. This has been a huge fear for me when thinking about writing. I don’t want to fail at it. I don’t want to be not good enough. But this weekend reminded me that writing isn’t to be the best, it’s just to be. I write because that’s who I am and that’s how I best communicate with myself and with God. Another slap-in-the-face revelation was that I haven’t been communicating best with God because I haven’t been writing. I haven’t been completely honest with myself because I haven’t been writing. Writing helps me to be me and that’s why I need to do it.

So I’m excited to recommit myself to be me and to make God a bigger priority in my life. I’m also realizing probably the biggest negative affect of living in a studio apartment is the lack of privacy. I don’t mind sharing space with Dustin, I like being close to him all the time. But it’s hard to “get away” for those critical and desperate times with God when you bare your soul in such a way that only God could understand or want to see. (For example, Dustin just turned on Seinfield and it’s so hard not to listen!! But I press on!) My prayer is that I’m able to find those times of utter abandonment in order to be painfully real. And even more to stop being lazy.

"Contemplation is also the response to a call: a call from Him who has no voice, and yet Who speaks in everything that is, and Who, most of all, speaks in the depths of our own being, for we ourselves are words of His. But we are words that are meant to respond to Him, to answer to Him, to echo Him, and even in some way to contain Him and signify Him. Contemplation is this echo. It is a deep resonance in the inmost center of our spirit in which our very life loses its separate voice and re-sounds with the majesty and the mercy of the Hidden and Living One. He answers Himself in us and this answer is divine life, divine creativity, making all things new. We ourselves become His echo and His answer."

I've been contemplating this, I ask that you join me.

- I pass a business downtown called Moonlight Staffing. Their phone number is 1-800-Work-Late. I just wonder what type of "work" they do late.

- I was listening to Dustin's Ipod and wishing for the millionth time that I had a beautiful singing voice. I love to sing, but I really suck at it. When I'm by myself, I belt it out, knowing that God doesn't mind. But when others are around I whisper sing which really sucks. All of a sudden today I had the desire to learn to play the piano. I have never been interested in the piano before, but listening to Keane today made me appreciate anew the beauty that the piano brings to a song. I want to be a part of beautiful music so bad, maybe this is a way. I've never been very musically inclined but I also don't believe that you can't teach an old dog new tricks.

- I was thinking of the life lessons that I want to pass on to my children. The number one financial lesson I will teach my children is how to save money and how not to depend on credit cards. We live in a society that assumes we all must use and abuse credit cards, like without them we would all starve or freeze to death. I am so impressed with people who don't use credit cards, or who can pay them off every month. I am realizing that how you handle debt really is a lifestyle choice. I believe to be the best stewards with our money we need to save and make proactice decisions about the future, rather than using credit cards for last minute decisions. I want my children to understand delayed gratification in a way that I have yet to learn. I don't want to raise brats, I want to raise appreciative and free children. Having credit card debt totally takes your freedom away. It may seem like it gives freedom but that is a lie. Using a credit card is like paying $12 for a $4 frappucino. Who wants to do that? Today, I am saying NO to you credit cards and YES to you savings account with $3 in it. I guess you've got to start somewhere, right??? =)

- I kept thinking about this report on homelessness that I recently read. I will write more about this later, but I just can't get it out of my mind. I see homeless people every day, on the max, in the park, downtown, outside the grocery store. My heart breaks for them. I feel so helpless when I only have $2 to give them and get so mad when I don't have any cash on me at all. I can't imagine how they feel. I'm at a loss.

On Friday night Dustin and I went out to dinner with Jason, Kim,Dan and Molly. The restaurant was called Montage and it is known for it's flavorful mac & cheese. They seat you family style at long tables with parties sitting right next to eat other. I must say the food was pretty amazing. Dustin ordered the Spicy Mac and was pleasantly pleased. I ordered the Famous Linguini with Vegetables. It was very delicious as well, although a little too hot. I don't mind spicy foods, but I feel like overly spicy takes away from the eating experience. Instead, I'm downing water all night long trying to cool down my tongue. But I digress, the best quirk about this restaurant was their version of the "doggie bag". They wrap your left overs with tin foil in different animal shapes or flowers. Naturally, I requested a turtle and Dustin got a crab. As you can see below they were fighting a bit, but in the end my turtle won!! =)

We saw a few giraffes that were over 3 feet tall, so crazy!! Kim got a penguin that was so cute and Molly requested a spider. It looked awesome, very scary!!

We had a really great time hanging out with friends. It was especially nice when I dominated at Nertz!! I am the card playing champion!!

- Well, tomorrow is my very first business trip with the Salvation Army. I'll be traveling to Eugene, Oregon for the night and staying in a Quality Inn. High class!! It will be nice to meet other employees and make sure I'm doing what I'm suppose to be doing!!

- Dustin and I have been watching the DVD's of The Office. I felt like I wasn't truly appreciating the new episodes and I was right. I appreciate them and laugh so much more now that I've watched from the beginning. (Let me just say that TV shows on DVD's are the greatest invention ever!!) I am a little concerned, however, that we might becoming obsessive. For example, this past weekend the guy that lives above us left for the weekend but forgot to turn off his alarm. So on Saturday morning we heard from 6-7am the constant beeping of the alarm. We obviously couldn't go back to sleep while it was beeping, so our first thought was to watch an episode of The Office to kill time. That night I wasn't feeling well so we watched about 6 more episodes. If that's wrong then I don't want to be right.

- Dustin and I went to hear Brian McClaren speak on Friday night. He was in a word, "amazing"! As I knew he would be. Sitting there listening to him speak reminded me of being back at Lincoln Christian College, sitting in the dark chapel for Focus, and just being floored by what the speaker for the night was saying. Brian, like those speakers, are passionate about God and so incredibly insightful. I was like a sponge when I was at Lincoln and I was blessed to be in the presence of so many incredible thinkers, communicators, and livers. Thank you to Brian for moving me in a way that I haven't been moved in quite some time. And thank you even more for your incredible insight.

- Before Brian McClaren spoke, a couple of ladies led us in worship through music. They sang a song that I had never heard. It was written by Angie and Todd Fadel (I have no idea who they are but want to give them props b/c I'm about to write down their lyrics!!) I loved the lyrics so much because they are just real and true. I didn't write down the name of the song, but the lyrics are as follows:

Some things are worth the fight,
so I won't walk away.
I won't walk away this time.
Your Majesty, as plain as day.
But you choose the small and weak,
so I can say that

My joy is my peace on its feet
Your Spirit makes us all the same underneath
My joy is my peace on its feet
Your Spirit makes us all the same underneath.

Help me believe in You,
Help me believe in You,
Help me believer in You.

p.s. I apologize for the picture. I am at work and this is all I could find. =)