My husband has, once again, prompted me by his reflections to do some reflecting of my own. And so, here is my attempt to recap 2011.
Honestly, I feel like, wow! where do i even begin. this might be the year of the most ups and downs for me.
I'll start with the lows because that's where my mind goes to first (unfortunately!)
1. The death of loved ones, my Grandpa Walt and Uncle Donny. The absolute lowest of lows. Death of loved ones are always heart breaking and they always seem too soon, no matter the circumstances. The two redeeming things in these circumstances are: a. I know they are both with Jesus and that we will get to see them again one day, Praise God! b. Death is always a time of family bonding, it brings the rest of us closer together to reminisce and reflect on the good life and memories we have with those who have left us. Those moments are precious to me.
2. I have learned so much about friendship this year. This will also be placed in the highs section, but I had to place it here as well because I've had to deal with hard friend stuff this year, and it's broken my heart. This is an area of my life that I continue to be humbled, knowing that I have so much to learn as life unfolds about being a good friend, maintaining and developing true friendships in the midst of being a mom, and learning what it means to rely on Jesus as my closest friend in the midst of those times where I feel the emptiness of close friends.
3. Being a stay-at-home mom has had its ups and downs. The low was really at the beginning of the year during a time when Gram couldn't communicate what he knew he wanted and I couldn't figure out what he was wanting. Our days were filled with frustration on both of our parts and it was just hard. He also was still up throughout the night and nursing and after 14 months of that, I was exhausted and almost at my wits ends. Thankfully, that too was a season, and many highs have followed.
Now onto the highs!
1. Being a stay-at-home mom has been one of the most fulfilling experiences of my life, maybe even THE most fulfilling experience of my life. There are hard times, and it's not a cake walk on a daily basis, but man, I would not have it any other way. Getting so much time with Gram, experiencing those daily moments of learning and joy and helping him get through his frustration and learn to communicate and work through problems- it's all absolutely amazing. I feel so blessed that God has entrusted him to us, and even more blessed that I get to spend my days with him. It's a financial sacrafice to not have me work full time, but well worth it when compared to sacraficing my time with him. I look forward to getting to share my time with our next little boy and seeing Gram's relationship with his little brother grow on a daily basis. Ahhh, a time in my life that I will never get back, never get to do over again, and I just want to savor these moments.
2. I got to spend A LOT of time with family this year and it was wonderful! I spent 3 weeks in Marshall in Feb., vacationed with my parents to Florida in April, visit from Dustin's mom in May, back again to Marshall in August, my parents here for 3 months this fall/ winter, and another 2 surprise visits from Dustin's mom this Nov/ Dec. Yeah!!! It's hard to live away from family, so I'm thankful for all the visits we get each year. And so, so thankful that my parents enjoy Portland so much that they choose to split their time between here and Illinois. We are so, so blessed by them and it's so fun to see Gram light up when they are around. He loves all of his grandparents and I'm thankful for any amount of time he gets with them. (And I'm thankful for the break it gives me!)
3. My marriage is in a really great place. After having Gram, it took Dustin and I almost a year to get back to a place where we were "us" again. This year has been a time of reconnecting after having our world turned upside down by our sweet little man. I think we'll rebound a bit faster after the next kid, but I expect to have another season of utter exhaustion where there's just not much left for each other for a bit. We don't have a perfect marriage, and I look forward to the years to come when our marriage gets better and better. But I love where we are right now. I love and respect Dustin more today than I did 6 years ago. I feel so supported by him and encouraged by him, knowing that whatever I ask he would grant. He is with me 100% on this adventure and I could not ask for anything more.
4. We have some amazing friends and THE MOST amazing community a girl could ever ask for. The Evergreen Community has shown up in our lives in the most helpful and practical ways. They have and continue to support us and encourage us and believe in us. It's an absolute honor to pastor a church like this one. My heart truly overflows when thinking about them. Through the ups and downs of this past year, we have gained life long friends and we are blessed.
I'll save my goals for 2012 for another blog post, as well as some personal reflection. But for now, that was 2011. A very full year. One of my goals for 2011 was to have a full life and not just a busy life, and I do believe that was accomplished. Life gets crazy and things are busy, but my days were full, and I count that a successful year.
