"...he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul...." Psalm 23:2-3
I feel like every day I long for a few moments to write down my reflections on life and parenting and following Jesus. The opportunity is here and I'm needing a few moments to even know where to begin. I'm thankful that I feel like I am getting moments throughout my days to reflect, to cherish these times with my two little boys, I just rarely make the time to write them down. I don't want to miss enjoying these special days with little ones. They are full days for sure! At the moment I feel like I will never be able to catch up on everything, there will always be something that is looming over me- at the moment it's a desk that looks like a war zone, but it's often floors that need swept, mopped or vaccumed; laundry that needs done; rooms that need picked up; groceries that need bought; or closets that need cleaned and organized. All work to be done for the running of a household.
I think I greatly underestimated the work that it would take to run a household with kids. And honestly, I marvel at families with more than 2 kids. I have the utmost respect for parents with lots of kids, because my mind just can't comprehend how you do it- how you get quality time with your kids and keep your house liveable. Just with going from 1 kid to 2, I feel like after I do 6 loads of laundry and get caught up, the very next day I have 3 more waiting for me. What?! Really? How is that possible?
Life...it's tricky sometimes. And so is laundry apparently. I'm really trying to find balance in my days. I've been through seasons of, frankly, just trying to make it through my days. But thankfully, I'm in a place now where I get to work on finding balance. I try to regularly lay out my priorities for that time and work towards being productive, having fun with the kids, as well as finding rest and renewal for myself.
It's hard for me to make ME a priority. My natural tendency is to give, give, give. I love to give, I love to serve, I love to love others. It's hard for me to say no to someone. It's hard for me to NOT drop everything for someone who's in need. However, that is changing for a few reasons:
1. I'm a mom now, and quite honestly, I can't give to others like I once could because I'm giving to my children all day long. They are my priority and their nap times take precedence! I don't want my whole life to be about my kids, and that's where finding balance comes in, but right now while they need me so much, they get most of me.
2. I've been on a journey of self discovery for..well, a lifetime, obviously, but more so the last few years. It's come to my attention that I might need to work on some things....weird, huh? =) I've realized I need to evaluate why I want to give to others. I want to give to others to bless them, not to puff up my ego. I want to give for the benefit of others, not so I feel like the greatest person in the world. Like I said, I'm on a journey.
3. If I don't make ME a priority, I will cease to exist and that's not honoring to God, that's not beneficial to me or my family or my friends or my church or the world. God has given me this life in which to serve Him and be ME, and I want to honor that and do the best I can at that. He didn't create me to fade into the background of other people's lives, He created me to live MY life. He created me to know ME, to have a relationship with ME, so I need to be ME. Which means, pursuing the things that I love, making time for things that refresh my soul.
