I SURVIVED!!! You have no idea how nice it feels to have time to blog again. More importantly, you have no idea how nice it feels to know that my 15 hour days are over and I can have a life again. Just in time for the new year!!

There were so many times over the past two months that I have wanted to blog about something funny or heart warming that happened to me during my very first Salvation Army Christmas. But, it seemed as much as I chased time the more elusive it became. I hope to recap the ups and downs so all the world will get a glimpse of the complete insanity that I lived. I have been told by more than a few Salvation Army employees that officers don't count how many years they have left before retirement but rather how many Christmas' they have left. I see the utter joy on their faces when they only have 1 left and now I understand why.

The Salvation Army, I am learning, is really an incredible organization. I have so much respect for them and am hungry to learn how such a large non-profit organization has survived for so long all the while impacting the lives of so many in tremendous ways. I use that as a preface to my next statement, "What the hell are they thinking???" I have never known such chaos and stress and responsibility and frustration and pure insanity before. The Salvation Army all over the world takes on a completely other set of full time duties during Christmas time. They depend on volunteers so heavily, which is a full time job in itself, to get through the Christmas season. Not only was I coordinating over 100 bell ringers to man 50 locations 6 days a week 8 hours a day. But the other staff were coordinating providing food and toys to 2200 families....complete chaos. All of this was going on in our office space that we are too big for on a normal day so you can only imagine what an additional 30 volunteers, 1000 pounds of food, and 100 metal kettles lying around would look like.

With all that said, here are the highlights and lowlights of my first Salvation Army Christmas:
1. Explaining to each bell ringer orientation why they will be fired if caught stealing.
2. Letting a bell ringer go for "making unwanted advances at the store's female employees."
3. Being at work by 8:30am and leaving at 11:00pm 3-4 nights per week.
4. Receiving frantic calls on a Saturday morning from a bell ringer who wanted a new bell because hers wasn't loud enough.
5. Working with a woman who wanted to bell ring but had no place to sleep at night. It was all she could do during the day to find a place to stay and therefore couldn't continue to work for us. Absolutely heartbreaking.
6. Hiring a bell ringer who had to walk 12 miles to get to work. He would get off from bell ringing at 8pm, arrive at his "home" (really his run down truck) at midnight, only to be up to catch a ride into town at 6am. I have never seen such determination for an income.
7. Receiving my daily call from Sam, one of my favorite bell ringers. He is disabled and was my eyes and ears at the mall.
8. Having a bell ringer actually leave a kettle full of money on her stand in while she went to lunch, instead of leaving it at the customer service station right inside the door. (This is a very big no, no!!!)
9. Knowing that this seemingly insignificant minimum wage job is a life saver for some.
10. Not raising enough to meet the goal that we had set and wondering if there was more I could have done.

What I will NOT miss:
1. Working 6 days, 70 hours a week.
2. Only seeing my husband 3 nights a week.
3. Not feeling able to respond to the simplest of emails b/c of lack of time.
4. Being too busy to drink water ( I wish I was kidding.)
5. This sickness that I am hoping will leave now that my body won't be so stressed.
6. Having atleast 5-10 calls to return at any time of the day.
7. Wondering if my bell ringers are actually working.
8. Finding out that bell ringers didn't work and didn't let me know until that night.
9. Having to be stern with bell ringers when I really wanted to give them all that I had.
10. Bells!!!

What I WILL miss:
1. Meeting new people and hearing some amazing stories. I had many return bell ringers, people who love the job and look forward to it year after year.
2. Counting money. It was fun to see how much was brought in each day.
3. Providing a paycheck for some who need it so bad.
And that's about it. Not a lot I'm going to miss about this season, definitely ready to move on!!

Thank you Salvation Army for my breaking me in and thank you Jesus for bearing the weight. It feels good to breathe again.

Yesterday, November 18, was the anniversary of Dustin and my engagement. We commemorated the event by attending an Album Leaf concert. The Album Leaf holds a special place in our hearts because that was the music that was playing when Dustin got down on one knee, and it was the music that was playing when I walked down the aisle to the man of my dreams. They will always hold a special place in our hearts because every time I hear their music I am reminded of my love for Dustin and his love for me. What's so amazing about the Album Leaf is they don't use a lot of words in their songs. It is really just the music that moves the listener. Actually, I couldn't tell you more than 1 or 2 lines of actual words that I can remember from their music. But I could describe most songs on the album. They are incredible musicians and I just love that their music conveys more than words ever could. So thank you Album Leaf for using music to say so much more.

I have been learning so much lately through my church, my bible study, and the theology group that i'm a part of. My mind is reeling with God's voice and I love it! Dustin and I were just saying to one another the other day that we truly feel like we are right where God wants us. What an amazing feeling! When you're in that place, life isn't perfect, but all is well. It doesn't matter that we might not have a lot of money, or that our apartment is small, or that i'm homesick, or that we don't get to see each other as much as we'd like. All that matters is that God is using us right now, God is working in us individually and as a couple, and there's no better feeling in all the world than knowing that.

One thought that hit me on Sunday was this: John 9:39 says, "I entered this world to render judgement- to give sight to the blind and to show those who think they see that they are blind." I was stunned by the way that judgement is portrayed in the beginning of the verse by "giving sight to the blind." We think of judgement in such negative terms, we want evil people to get what they deserve. But about the innocent victim that is hurting, Jesus says his judgement makes their pain right and good. His judgement bring healing to the hurting. We can be a part of God's judgement right now. Instead of judging others in a negative way, but what if we started judging others in a positive way? What if we discerned the truth that a person is hurting and provided healing for them through a listening ear, a hot meal, or a few bucks for rent? What if we recognized the desperateness and hopelessness in others and provided God's love right then? We have two choices, we can wait for God's ultimate judgement to come when he does away with all the hurt and pain and restores us all to a new life. Or we can be a part of ushering in God's kingdom right now by judging those that need us, but acknowledging the misfortunate and taking action. Isn't that what God would do? Isn't that what God does every day of our lives? Isn't that what God will do in the end for us?

- Work is crazy busy and is only going to get more busy, so please excuse the days or weeks of seeming absence. There's so much that I want to write at times, but don't have time to write. At other times when I have time, my mind feels empty and so tired. Life is busy but great for Dustin and I. The rainy season has officially begun in Portland so that's not the greatest, but we'll make due.
- What I dislike about the west coast is the different time zone. It totally messes up my communication with my homies!! So sorry peeps!
- Dustin's mom is coming to visit in just 2 weeks!! Yeah, FAMILY!! I'm so excited to see a familar face and to share our small space with a loved one.
- Dustin and I signed up to hang out with the children at church yesterday. Wow! What an experience! They were crazy! Running around and laughing and not understanding how to play hide & seek but loving it anyway. They were so cute! It definitely reminded us both that now is NOT the time for us to have a little one! =)
- I missed not having any Halloween plans. I love seeing the pics of others' costumes. My favorite was Melissa's from Tampa, she went as a loofa! Brilliant! Here are some of my favorite pics! These are my nieces Savannah and Gabrielle. I miss them terribly!!







- Happy belated birthday to my best friend, Jaime! At 28 you are as beautiful as ever! I miss you girl! Here is a picture of us from last year's Halloween. Jaime is definitely the beautiful princess and I am the over done TV Evangelist's wife!

I just finished "The Age of Innocence" by Edith Wharton. Wow! Edith always has a depressing ending and she didn't disappoint with this book. I love the way that she writes because I feel like it's a bit more "action packed" than some of her other contemporaries. The ending while depressing wasn't shocking, it was just simply sad and a little pathetic. I definitely recommend it.

Currently, I am reading "My Bondage and My Freedom" by Frederick Douglass. He was born a slave and escaped in the 1800's. I still cannot fathom that slavery actually happened in our country. It seems so surreal. Frederick is an amazing writer and captures with words the richness of that time. I'm only about 1/3 of the way through, but I recommend it to everyone.

This morning I woke up so full of thankfulness and awe towards God. I look at my life and I see God's hand in every part of it. And I don't know why. Well, I know it's b/c God's amazing and awesome and beyond words. But I...I don't deserve it. I have no choice but to be thankful and humbled and awed my God who loves me so much.

"He chose to give birth to us by giving us his true word. And we, out of all creation, became his prized posession."

I have seen the beauty that is Creation/ Nature. Given, I have never seen the Swiss Alps or the Alaskan wild or the purity that is found on the beaches of a secluded island. I have, however, seen most of the United States. From Martha's Vineyard to the coasts of the Northwest, I have seen beauty in God's creation that is indescribable. God says out of ALL that beauty, out of ALL of His artistic work, we, humans, are his prized posession! Isn't that crazy! Most days I would much rather have a secluded beach than most people's drama. Nature seems so unflawed and we, humans, quite frankly are so flawed (myself included!) But God would rather be with us. We make him the proudest, no matter our mistakes or failures or sins or fears or insecurities. We are God's #1 prize!!

I pray that you rest in that truth with all the peace and comfort and strength that I am resting in today.

I've called about 30 churches and I have 4 who are interested or semi-interested...not bad I would say. My self-esteem is holding up nicely and so I thank all of my friends who have supported me through this critical time. I press on..

I like the song by Joe Joe called, "It's a little too late." I don't know why, I just do.

I've been feeling emotional lately. I took a walk to clear my head the other night and ended up in tears. Finally, a release and an understanding of my emotional rollercoaster. I am homesick. The revelation hit me like a ton of bricks but it makes sense now. I remember feeling this way every fall since I moved away from home. Not only do I love fall, I believe I love because it reminds me of my family and friends. Walking around our neighborhood, I was reminded of the cozy feeling that fall brings. I saw families enjoying grilling out and sitting by their fireplaces, dads raking leaves and kids playing in those leaves, halloween decor, and wet fallen leaves amidst the crisp fresh smell after the rain. I was reminded of home. I began crying b/c I love all these things and I want a home with all of these things. I miss my mom and dad, my beautiful nieces, my grandma and so many more. I love where I am in life, I love that I live in Portland with the most amazing husband in the world, and I love that I love my job and my church. In the midst of it all, I miss the group of people that has been the closest for the longest, my family. I love you family.

Today's the day I make phone calls to over 200 churches trying to get them to partner with The Salvation Army. I hate cold calling and don't handle rejection well. Please pray for me to not take all the rejection personally. I'm trying to keep positive. For instance, if I get 10 new churches to work with us, I will consider these efforts a success. Ten out of 200...not bad.

Any advice?

Community Service 101- Some of you may know that I got a speeding ticket on my first day driving to me new job!! I have since learned that cops in Oregon don't mess around and therefore I won't anymore either. Instead of paying the ticket I opted for community service. Luckily, I work with a non-profit and can "do my time" there. I started this week, staying late after work and went in on Saturday. it SUCKS not being able to sleep in on Saturdays for the next month, but i guess "if you do the crime you've got to do the time" (that's how it goes, right?)

Free Movies- Dustin and I are very thankful to Hollywood Video for allowing their employees free rentals, we are and will continue to take advantage of that. Last night we watched "10th and Wolf" and "Proposition". We liked the first but not so much the second. On Friday night we watched "the Break Up" with Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn. Vince Vaughn is just so funny! I thought the movie was ok. However, afterward Dustin and I had to convince ourselves that the ending meant that they were getting back together because neither one of us could handle it if they didn't. It's just hard to watch two people break up, even if it is just a movie, it's still hard to watch the reality of what happens in a break up. It's so painful. I am very thankful that I will never, ever have to go through that again.

Aflac- Dustin and I are thinking of purchasing some insurance with Aflac. Anybody use it, have any comments?

Middlesex- Currently, I am reading "Middlesex" by Jeffrey Eugenides. Quite interesting to say the least. But I love the way he writes, so entertaining and informed at the same time. I recommend it. (I don't want to tell you what it's about, I want you to be just as surprised as I was once I started reading it!)

Church- I gotta get ready for church. Last week after church we went with 3 other couples to a Greek Festival. Um....AMAZING FOOD!! I love gyro's!! They are my fave and so I was quite happy. I love getting to see a little part of another culture. Adults and children were all dressed up doing some sort of dance. And the Greek Orthodox church who was hosting it was open for people to look around (we weren't able to do that, damn!) The best part was the sign that read, "No alcohol off of church grounds." Isn't that so ironic???? Not normally what you see in present day evangelical churches. I loved it!

Enjoy the pics!! And find out all of the provacative details here.


This is our bath which is carved out of a log. As you can see the very hot water is coming out of the spout and filling our bath. Dustin had to haul in 4 buckets of cold water to get the oh-so-right temperature.

This is the bath house with about 6 private compartments (thank God we got one of those!) and a larger public bath (you DON'T want to be in that water!)


This tree was HUGE!! Dustin stood completely upright in it. Part of the tree was just laying on the ground. We wondered how long it had been there and how they ever got it down.

This tree was laying on the side of the mountain as we walked by. It looked like it could slide down and crush you at any moment, so cool.We took a lot more pics but many of them didn't turn out and even if they did they just don't do this place justice. (i have no idea why this text is underlined, but please ignore it, i'm not trying to highlight it for any reason, so weird blogger!)

She is a beautiful flower even in the midst of snow.

satisfying, joyful, deeply meaningful, challenging, frustrating, and in the end simply rewarding- this is the way "work" should be.

I can't tell you how happy I am to be working for The Salvation Army. Just to be working for a nonprofit again is incredibly fulfilling. Dustin has remarked that I am myself again. I hadn't realized how awful I felt having to go to jobs that I hated everyday and didn't find meaning in at all. I have missed this -working long hours, putting in extra effort, being willing to do whatever it takes to get the job done, because getting the job done means people are fed physically and spiritually, children get toys and clothes and can have a glimpse of true childhood, families are relieved if even just for one night of the stress of putting food on the table or the worry of how they might pay their water bill. This is true work. I have missed it. I am thankful beyond words that God has given it to me again.

I missed out on fall while living in Florida for the past five years. Fall is my favorite time of the year. I would much rather be cold than hot, which is probably why I prefer fall to spring. I can live with and even delight in knowing that cold is coming. Hot is a different story. Fall in Oregon is living up to all of my patient expectations. The trees have begun to change colors a bit. The tops of the trees are turning red while the rest is still green, so beautiful! The crisp air is so refreshing and encouraging to me. Knowing that the hot, sweaty days of summer are coming to an end makes me smile. I never want to live without fall ever again.

I have been patienting waiting for this book to arrive in the mail and now that it has I can't seem to put it down. It's amazing. Barbara Brown Taylor is an Episcapal Priest and this book is her journey of faith. I highly recommend it. Here are a few nuggets which I'm still thinking about:

"Is the Divine Presence in the world or in my eye?"

"God uses whatever is usable in life, both to speak and to act, and those who insist on fireworks in the sky may miss the electricity that sparks the human heart."

"Being ordained is not about sering God perfectly but about serving God visibly, allowing other people to learn whatever they can from watching you rise and fall. You probably won't be much worse than other people..and you certainly won't be any better, but you will have to let people look at you. You will have to let people see you as you are."

Maybe the biggest tragedy in modern day church is the unrealness that we often find there. I don't know how the expectation started but I mourn it. I really appreciate books this like because she speaks truthly and openly about whatever doubts, fears, false expectations, hurts, etc. she found within her faith. These things aren't living outside of her faith or outside of her, they weren't taking stabs and then going away. They are part of the faith, the part that makes faith strong, the part that often causes us to stand up another day.

Finally the pics.

This is what you see when you first walk in, our little eating nook/ Dustin's study space. The table has wheels, so we can roll it out of the way when we have to do laundry (the door is behind the table to the left)















This is our kitchen. Not having a dishwasher sucks, but we're getting use to doing dishes non-stop.















Dustin is in our living room located in the north wing. As you can see our bedroom is located in the south wing.
















We really are enjoying our little studio. It definitely makes you aware of how much wasted space we often live with. However, there are frustrating moments, so far we've been able to laugh about them...let's hope that continues. =)

It's the best friends that need you
Sometimes they leave you
It's the best friend's lives' kiss you
In my case, I'll miss you

It's the best friends that make you
Sometimes they break you
It's the best friends that move you
In my case, see through you

It's the best friends that need you
In my case, believe you
It's the best friend's lives' kiss you
In my case, I'll miss you

by Denison Witmer

I recently read “Travels with Charley” by John Steinbeck, what a timely book for us!! Mr. Steinbeck spent 3 months traveling across the United States with his dog, Charley. I can’t begin to describe how timely this book was for me or how the more I read Steinbeck’s work the more respect I have for him. Where I had no words he put into words what I was thinking, feeling, and seeing. Here are a few excerpts that I loved.

“I had not heard the speech of America, smelled the grass and trees and sewage, seen its hills and water, its color and quality of light. I knew the changes only from books and newspapers.”

I have wrote before about the tugging inside of myself to be at home close to my family and to travel and explore and live in different cultures. When I read of another land I want to go see it for myself, that will never change. I always want to be one who sees for myself, I just need that for some reason.

“I saw in their eyes something I was to see over and over in every part of the nation- a burning desire to go, to move, to get under way, anyplace, away from any Here. They spoke quietly of how they wanted to go someday, to move about, free and unanchored, not toward something but away from something. I saw this look and heard this yearning everywhere in every states I visited. Nearly every American hungers to move.”

I am encouraged that others are feeling as I feel. I have been blessed to have the ability to go and move all throughout my life. Dustin and I have talked of settling in Portland. I fear that freedom of going might be fleeting with future plans of buying a house, having a baby, and starting a church. Whatever happens, I appreciate my past and hope in my future.

“I’ve lived in good climate, and it bores the hell out of me. I like weather rather than climate…And in the humid ever-summer I dare his picturing mind not to go back to the shout of color, to the clean rasp of frosty air, to the smell of pine wood burning and the caressing warmth of kitchens. For how can one know color in perpetual green, and what good is warmth without cold to give it sweetness?”

I know that I harp on Florida a lot, specifically how I don’t like living there. Steinbeck puts into words what I’ve felt but am not articulate enough to convey myself.

I recommend this read for anyone, especially those that are traveling. One friend that I thought of the whole time I was reading was Jamie Simkins. Have you read it Jamie? I don’t know why, but I thought of you.