A few years back I read the book, "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. I read it while dating Dustin and it was great to help us understand how we both best communicate. It's a great book to read for any relationship wheather family, friend, or significant other. The way people give and receive love is a huge part of who they are. Knowing the way your significant other communicates love will go a LONG way in a marriage!! I have just been reminded of this while driving to work this morning. It dawned on me as I was enjoying the beautiful sunny, no-clowd day that I was wrong about how I communicate love. Just to get everyone up to speed, the five love languages are as follows:
1. Physical touch
2. Quality time
3. Gifts
4. Words of affirmation
5. Acts of service
Mr. Chapman says that we all communicate through each of these languages, but each person normally has one or two ways that they communicate most. I had previously thought that my primary love languages were physical touch and quality time. However, the revelation this morning informed me that my love languages are physical touch and acts of service. I feel like such an idiot for not realizing this sooner!! My whole life I have been taught that love is serving others. My whole family, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. all communicate love by helping each other. I have always said that I could count on my family for absolutely anything. That is what I love and appreciate so much about my family, they show love by serving others. My grandmother Martha Jean is the greatest example of this. I've never seen a woman so determined to love God and others by serving them.
All this to say that I now understand why Dustin calls me a princess when I'm around my family, my parents especially. They do whatever I want!! I can ask anything (almost!) of them and they will do it. Why? Because they love me!!! I like to think that they could ask anything of me and I will do it as well. That's the kind of friend I try to be. One that can be counted on for anything. That's the type of wife I try to be. I love serving Dustin. I enjoy getting him a drink, or helping with his sermon, or giving him a massage, or doing whatever he needs me to do.
The reason that this is such a revelation to me is now I understand why when I ask Dustin to do something for me and he says no or is hesitant my feelings get hurt. In that moment I can't understand why he wouldn't do something for me, knowing that I would do anything for him. In that moment I don't see anything else in the situation, such as other factors that might be affecting his decision, I only see my husband having a choice between loving and not loving me. Of course his thoughts have nothing to do with whether he loves me or not. He knows full well that he loves me and I know full well that he loves me, but in that moment I don't feel it.
I can't tell you how elated I am to realize this. I honestly feel like such a fool for not seeing the obvious sooner. Dustin and I have an amazing marriage. And this realization will only help to prevent future bumps in the road. My understanding of myself will help me to not falsely accuse him of not loving me and will help me to see the many other ways that he does show his love for me.
I highly recommend everyone married and dating couple to read this book and talk with your mate about your love languages. It is an extremely beneficial eye opener.
that is a big realization honey! It certainly doesn't mean I don't love you when I am unable to do something (or do not want to) although I also do not want that ever to be an excuse to not serve you as my wife should be served! Gotta keep a balance!