A friend, Kimberly, gave me "The Cloister Walk" by Kathleen Norris for my birthday and I read it this summer. I don't think I've ever highlighted, underlined, starred, etc. a book more than I have this one. Norris is a writer who decided to join the Benedictine Order in order to learn how to worship God through their every day rituals and life. Dustin and I have talked many times about visiting a monastery in order to do the same thing. Joining an Order is a huge commitment that we are definitely not ready to make yet, but experiencing, if only for a weekend, their pattern of worship would be inspiring, humbling, and extremely refreshing. There are SO MANY amazing nuggets of wisdom, not only from Norris but quoted from others as well. One quote by St. Therese has been resonating with me A LOT this last month. She says, “I have come to realize, that the radiance of the rose and the whiteness of the lily do not take way the fragrance of the little violet or the delightful simplicity of the daisy…perfection consists in being what God wants us to be.”

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about the future of my career, future ministries, future family, future everything. I have been reminded time and again that my path is with God and my desire is to be who He wants and created me to be. However, it's hard. There are times when I feel my mind drifting away to my own desires and ambitions, I find myself making plans and dreaming dreams without asking if those plans and dreams are God's. Sometimes I just assume that He's with me, without putting in the time with Him to really confirm that. No matter how perfect I strive to be, it's worthless without the perfection of Christ as my hope.

This self is a mystery. Thomas Merton says in Seeds of Contemplation, "In order to become myself I must cease to be what I always thought I wanted to be, and in order to find myself I must go out of myself, and in order to live I have to die." It's based on what Jesus said, "To save your life you must lose it..." What does that mean in my life today and tomorrow and the next? How do I lose my life every day? I know that it starts on my knees. It starts in God's word, understanding Him in all of His mystery in order to understand the mystery of myself. The more I know my Lord the more I will know myself and understand His plans for my life and how to follow Him more closely and obediently.

My prayer is that this is my priority every day- to know my Father and to walk with Him. He is my peace, comfort, love, strength, wisdom, laughter, and sigh of relief. I breathe easier walking with Him and I am in need of a fresh breathe.

3 comments

1. Anonymous on 7:52 PM

   Wow! You are an amazing writer. Well said.
   
   Beth

    
2. Kelli Bagby on 7:57 PM

   thanks so much, beth. it's refreshing when you can put in words what is floating around in your heart and mind. sometimes it comes out making sense and sometimes not!

    
3. Sarah on 11:01 AM

   Hey Kelli,
   
   There is a Benedictine Abbey about an hour from Portland -- the Mount Angel Abbey. My great uncle is a monk and was a spiritual director there for many years. He is now quite elderly but still lives as part of that community. I've thought of organizing a small retreat for a night or two for those who are interested in exploring "monastic" life in one form or another.