I loved you Bear. You taught me a lot, such as how to pee on my shirt to keep myself cool, how to determine when the sun will set with my fingers, how squeezing the juice out of elephant dung will keep me hydrated, and last but definitely not least, how to escape quick sand. But, it's just not the same anymore Bear, I don't think it will ever be the same again. Why Bear!? Why? Why did you have to trick us? I believed you, I believed you were really in need of survival in the rough, hot, dangerous wilderness. But you weren't, were you? No! You were sleeping in hotels and following the pre-planned, pre-determined, pre-set, pre-safe path the camera man led you down.

I'm sorry, but I just can't watch you anymore. It's just not the same. The love I once had for you has been tainted by your tricks and lies. I can never trust you again, can I?

I hope you understand. I hope you know that I loved you more than I could ever love Survivorman, but now, all I'm left with is Survivorman. How could you do this to me? How could you leave me with..with..HIM?

I hope you learned a lesson Bear. I don't know yet what it is...but I hope you do know and I hope you learned it.

I have been slowly working my way through Thomas Merton's "Seeds of Contemplation". It's one of Dustin's favorite books so I wanted to read it, however, it takes awhile because it's filled with so many nuggets of wise goodness that I can only read one chapter at a time. I often find myself thinking about that chapter all week long before moving onto the next.

One such nugget:
"Although God lives in the souls of men who are unconscious of Him, how can I say that I have found Him and found myself in Him if I never know Him or think of Him, never take any interest in Him or seek Him or desire His presence in my soul? What good does it do to say a few formal prayers to Him and then turn away and give all my mind and all my will to created things, desiring only ends that fall short of Him? Even though my soul may be justified, yet if my mind does not belong to Him then I do not belong to Him either. If my love does not reach out toward Him but scatters itself in His creation, it is because I have reduced His life in me to the level of a formality, forbidding it to move me with a truly vital influence."

I find myself at times relying on my faith of the past, on times where I had vibrant faith, humble tears, and an awestruckness for God. Lately, I feel like I haven't been taking the time to dedicate my mind to God, to actively pursue my Lord like I know I should. I find myself filling my mind, heart, and ultimately soul with creation instead of the Creator. Specifically, stupid TV has caught my interest and I feel sucked in. I appreciate Merton's words and for his ability to express my heart in a way that I never could.

We hiked up to Lost Lake Butte on Saturday and had a great time. You can read about it on Dustin's blog. I'll simply share some pics and just reconfirm that it is one of the most beautiful places ever. Lost Lake reminds me of one of the little coves off of Lake Tahoe- absolutely breathtaking, peaceful and calling my name.

- Dustin and I had a great time camping this past weekend. (Unfortunately, I forgot our camera, so no pics yet.) You can read Dustin's review here. It was a great first camping experience. We owe Ryan and Rachel so many thanks because they totally hooked us up with everything we would ever need. We shared "the Hilton tent" with Devin and Larissa, who proved to be great roomies. On our second night, we welcomed Rascal, a friend's dog, into our tent, I miss having a dog around and loved being able to pet and snuggle with her. It truly was such a relaxing time, I am ready to go again.

- Upon driving back into the city after camping, I was so tired and yet so full of thankfulness. I felt a well of gratefulness and love overflowing inside me. It was such a weird feeling. I looked out the window at the beautiful sky and simple, yet magnificent landscape and felt so at peace and happy, filled with joy even. I felt like I could have driven, looking at the bright blue sky forever. God truly has been so good to me, it's overwhelming at times.

- We leave for Illinois in the morning. Dustin is performing his cousin's wedding on Saturday. We're super psyched to see family and stay in a hotel. I plan to use the fitness center, swim, shop, eat, laugh, watch TV, read, celebrate, dance, and sleep. Good times!!

- I am reading Ann Rand's "Atlas Shrugged", only about 400 pages left (of an over 1200 page book). This book has caused so many thoughts, emotions, opinions, frustrations, and ponderings in the last few weeks, it's driving me crazy!! I won't even begin to go into all of it, I'll just say that it's definitely an interesting and worthy read. Chris says it's his favorite book of all time. I say he hasn't read "Brothers K" yet.

- The holiday season is fast approaching and I, unfortunately, am dreading it. We have been preparing for Christmas since January, but I still feel like it's coming too soon and there's so much more to do. I am trying hard to change my attitude because I do want to be excited about it and have fun. My boss made a joking comment about my negative attitude, but I don't think it was really a joke, which means my inner frustrations are seeping out whether I want them to or not- not a good place to be. I hope this year will be better than the last, meaning I hope to not have doctor's orders for bed rest at the end of it. We'll see how it goes. Please pray!

This morning Dustin and I set off for a hiking adventure at Triple Falls. We hiked for about 3 hours and had a great, yet sweaty, time. Dustin and I both have the hiking bug, so hopefully we'll be doing a lot more of it before the rainy season begins. My favorite part of Triple Falls was being able to walk out on top of the falls with the water all around us. We had lunch on a big log and successfully didn't slip and fall on the slippery rocks. I think I could have stayed on that log forever. We took a different path back down and hiked by another waterfall that we could walk behind in a cave. My least favorite part of the hike was seeing two people "meditating" and worshiping this waterfall. It was so out of place with all of the tourists walking around. And I just don't get it. I fully recognize the beauty and power that these waterfalls behold, but do they have a mind to think and learn or a heart to love? No. So what's the deal?


Anyway, the whole hike was absolutely gorgeous and I would definitely go back again.

Right now, I just want to lay on my couch for the rest of they day. But Trader Joe's and a dirty bathroom are calling, so I leave you with these.