I’ve been learning recently how the way I respond to situations truly affects those around me and the situation in general. I find when I confront someone in an angry, emotional-filled way, I rarely get a good response. They are defensive, uncooperative, and I just end up looking like a fool. I hate looking like a fool, I hate acting like a fool. However, if I confront someone in a gentle, heart-filled way I get a much better response. They are more apt to really hear me, to cooperate, and the outcome is positive. I see people all the time, and I have been one of them often, that think if they speak louder and cause a bigger scene then their point is made in a more dramatic way. I’ve learned…it’s not. Why do we do that? Why do we continue to use the same responses to situations hoping for a certain outcome, knowing all the while what the consequences will be- namely, us looking like a fool- but we forget those consequences. We think THIS time I will come out on top, I will be the winner of this situation, the battle is all mine.
I think there’s a difference between passion based on emotions vs. passion based on the heart. I think I have always thought that when you’re frustrated, you have to be angry to be honest. And that’s just not the case. Being honest is what’s important and so is the way in which you deliver that honesty. I want to be someone who is gentle, kind, loving, passionate, and truthful in all situations, but that doesn’t mean in order to be that way that I am expressing my emotions, but rather that I am expressing my heart. When I think about emotions, I think of extremes. When I think about the heart, I think of humility.
This happens all the time in marriages, at work, with friends and family. How do we speak honestly in every situation? What does it mean to even give up our rights in order for the truth to be known? How can I help everyone to leave a tense situation feeling good? How can I care about the way situations affect other people and not just myself?
I dealt with this very thing last month at work. I was in a debate with another department about an invoice we were to pay them. There were 3 or 4 different things on the invoice that bothered me, but one major one in particular. Someone else working on it with me was extremely aggravated and very huffy-puffy about the whole thing, mumbling under the breath, bad-mouthing, etc. I realized instantly this aggression rising up in me. “Was I being taken advantage of because I am new to the position? Did they think they could pull one over on me without me knowing? I must put my foot down, this is an injustice! How dare they do this to me! I will take a stand for all departments worldwide with inaccurate invoices! I will prevail!” This is how I felt at the beginning of the week. I emailed with the person in charge of this other department, we sent some explanations/frustrations back and forth. My Monday emails stated I wouldn’t pay the invoice. My Tuesday emails asked for an explanation. All the time wanting to go off about this department, wanting to take it the higher-ups, wanting to protect my rights. By the time Wednesday came my emails simply stated I would pay the invoice based on a compromise and appreciated her willingness to talk about how we could change things for next year. On Thursday the invoice was paid, all was well. And on Friday I went to work feeling so thankful that I hadn’t made a complete fool of myself my 4th week on the job. So thankful that I didn’t run my mouth like I normally do, so thankful I didn’t act like a fool, so thankful that God has done this in my life, knowing all the while it wasn’t me but him living in me.
How different I am. I have acted so different in similar situations, foolishly unfortunately. How can something seemingly so small in a person begin to completely change who they are? This seems like a simple lesson to learn, and yet I really feel like it’s changing the person I am. And I’m loving it.
yes...yes! that is so true Kelli. I love that God made us full of passion, yet able (in HIM) to turn it down when appropriate...Gods love in us takes form in so many ways. Thanks for reminding me. Tamra
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