Who will show us better times?

"One of the great temptations of the spiritual life is to believe that if I were in another season of life, I could be more spiritual. The truth is that spiritual transformation takes place as we embrace the challenges and opportunities associated with each season of our life." Ruth Haley Barton in "Sacred Rhythms" I have found myself thinking this very thing pretty much every year since graduating from christian college. First it was grad school that kept me too busy, then marriage didn't allow for quiet time, and now with a kid..well..forget about it. A newborn is the ultimate excuse to neglect self reflection all the while crying out to God DAILY for help with seemingly mundane tasks like sleeping, eating, and crying. Why is that I assume if I don't have "quiet time" then I'm not spending time with God? Yet I'm asking him multiple times a day for help, or praising Him for little things in my life, like the precious little fingers that are wrapped around mine.

Being a mom has helped me to redefine my own spirituality and time with God. I have realized that, yes, I still need "quiet time" in a sense, time to sit with just God, time to reflect, time to pray for others, time that allows me to be me, warts and all. But mostly, I've learned that God wants more than just that time. He wants all my time. He wants to be with me while I do dishes and nurse Gram and weed the garden. That has been the most freeing realization. I've known this, but actually putting it into practice has been...like home. It's like having your best friend with you all the time (which is so fun!). It's like having Gandolph (times a billion!) always around guiding and protecting.

Don't get me wrong, it doesn't make everything easy. It doesn't make soothing a crying baby easy. I still struggle with feeling like "Mom Jeans: No longer a woman - a mom!" (SNL). God by my side doesn't take away... life. But He makes it so, so full. He makes it character building (instead of character demolishing). Most times, in the midst of dirty diapers and a dirty house, He makes it feel like the greatest place on earth. Like spending my days in my humble abode is better than any mansion or tropical paradise or mountain top that exists. (Of course I wouldn't mind visiting those at some point! Every girl needs a vacation!) Praise God!

"Many people say, 'Who will show us better times?' Let your face smile on us, Lord. You have given me greater joy than those who have abundant harvests of grain and new wine. In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you along, O Lord, will keep me safe." Psalm 4:6-8

Read More 2 comments | Posted by Kelli Bagby

Stinky diapers and a joyful heart

Ephesians 5:1-2
"Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God."

We read this Scripture last night at home group. I don't remember ever reading it before. But it was a great reminder of how I want to live my life. What I want my days to reflect. Dustin said something last night in the prayer - something to the affect of at the end of this year may our character reflect more of Christ than it does right now. Coupled with this Scripture, I was left wondering, is my character more in line with Christ right now than it was a year ago or 5 years ago? Have I seen growth in myself? I should probably ask my husband as he sees me most clearly day in and day out. I know there are things that I want to change about myself, but have I changed them? I know the person I want to be, but am I her?

I guess this was a good reminder for me that although my days are made up of little things, they all lead to something bigger...who I am. Regardless of how I feel about said little things during the day, what I do with them matters and really is the foundation of my character.

In "The Practice of the Presence of God" the Abbot of Beaumont says of Brother Lawrence
"That the most excellent method he had found of going to God was that of doing our common business without any view of pleasing men, and (as far as we are capable) purely for the love of God."
and
"That our sanctification did not depend upon changing our works, but in doing that for God's sake, which we commonly do for our own."

I love that God cares about the little things in my life. I have hope in life at all because He is present with me in those little things and in the big. He is with me at 3 am when Gram is crying and He is with me at 3 pm when I am knee deep in dishes and laundry and dust bunnies. He is with me as I am a mom to Gram, a wife to Dustin, a daughter, sister, friend, co-worker. He is with me and He is calling me to love in all of those things. To love...seems easy. But He is with me when it's hard and confusing and I'm not for sure how to do it enough or well.

He is with me and He is enough. When I don't have the strength or energy or motivation to do anything for myself or for others, I can do it for Him. I should do it for Him. Out of gratitude for all that Christ has done for me, the least that I can do is change stinky diapers with a joyful heart.

Read More 0 comments | Posted by Kelli Bagby

Tired

I've been tired lately, very, very tired. Gram is 6 months old and still waking often in the night. Dustin and I are realizing that now is the time to "lay down the law", so to speak, and teach him to go back to sleep on his own. So I know the nights ahead will be long and hard and more tiresome. However, the light at the end of the tunnel has never seemed brighter or sweeter...the thought of sleeping 8 hours a night regularly brings tears to my eyes! It's time. It's time for Gram to wean off of night feedings, it's time for me to sleep again, it's time. I'll keep you posted on how it goes. Please pray for us. Pray for Gram. He's...what you would call...a strong willed one. He wants what he wants. I'm seeing a bit of a change in him though, a maturity of sorts, so I think he's ready for this as well. Any suggestions or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated! =)

I'm a stay at home mom, which means I don't have to dedicate 8 or more hours a day away from my home and family to another job. So why do I feel like I can't fit everything in? I feel like some days are filled the way I want them to be and others aren't. I still feel at the end of the week that I could have done more things, spent time with more people, blogged more, reflected more, read more, cleaned more, exercised more, cooked more, prayed more, loved more. What I have never felt, though, is that I wish I had spent more time with Gram. He is my priority every day and I feel like I have such great quality time with him. That must mean I'm doing something right...right?

Last night I went to bed at 7:15pm and got up today at 7:30am. Much needed hours of rest (minus the 4 times I was up with Gram in the night). I want to make exercise a regular part of my days, but it's hard, it's hard when I feel so unrested to feel like I have the energy for it. I know exercising would give me more energy, but often times after I take a walk I'm super exhausted later in the day, just waiting for Gram to go down for a nap so I can lay down as well. I look forward to the next phase, the phase where I am getting rest at night so I can spend my days with energy.

I feel like this post is a downer. I'm not feeling down, just tired. The good news is Gram second tooth has broke through, yeah!! So the nights are sure to get better after the last week of pure craziness. Teething? What a pain in the arse!

Randomness..concluded.

Read More 3 comments | Posted by Kelli Bagby

Who will show us better times?

Stinky diapers and a joyful heart

Tired

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