"One of the great temptations of the spiritual life is to believe that if I were in another season of life, I could be more spiritual. The truth is that spiritual transformation takes place as we embrace the challenges and opportunities associated with each season of our life." Ruth Haley Barton in "Sacred Rhythms" I have found myself thinking this very thing pretty much every year since graduating from christian college. First it was grad school that kept me too busy, then marriage didn't allow for quiet time, and now with a kid..well..forget about it. A newborn is the ultimate excuse to neglect self reflection all the while crying out to God DAILY for help with seemingly mundane tasks like sleeping, eating, and crying. Why is that I assume if I don't have "quiet time" then I'm not spending time with God? Yet I'm asking him multiple times a day for help, or praising Him for little things in my life, like the precious little fingers that are wrapped around mine.
Being a mom has helped me to redefine my own spirituality and time with God. I have realized that, yes, I still need "quiet time" in a sense, time to sit with just God, time to reflect, time to pray for others, time that allows me to be me, warts and all. But mostly, I've learned that God wants more than just that time. He wants all my time. He wants to be with me while I do dishes and nurse Gram and weed the garden. That has been the most freeing realization. I've known this, but actually putting it into practice has been...like home. It's like having your best friend with you all the time (which is so fun!). It's like having Gandolph (times a billion!) always around guiding and protecting.
Don't get me wrong, it doesn't make everything easy. It doesn't make soothing a crying baby easy. I still struggle with feeling like "Mom Jeans: No longer a woman - a mom!" (SNL). God by my side doesn't take away... life. But He makes it so, so full. He makes it character building (instead of character demolishing). Most times, in the midst of dirty diapers and a dirty house, He makes it feel like the greatest place on earth. Like spending my days in my humble abode is better than any mansion or tropical paradise or mountain top that exists. (Of course I wouldn't mind visiting those at some point! Every girl needs a vacation!) Praise God!
"Many people say, 'Who will show us better times?' Let your face smile on us, Lord. You have given me greater joy than those who have abundant harvests of grain and new wine. In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you along, O Lord, will keep me safe." Psalm 4:6-8
beautiful! Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Kelli!
It has been the most refreshing lesson to learn that God is in the detail of our lives even if they are so mundane and ordinary.
Sometimes it's so crazy to me how you and I are in the same place, learning the same lessons but so far away. I love you!