Dustin spoke about the story of Jacob wrestling with God yesterday. He talked about Jacob looking for blessing in many different places like from his father and his wife Rachel, yet never finding the acceptance and confidence he was looking for. He talked about how Jacob, on his way to ask forgiveness from his brother Esau, sent everyone ahead and remained alone, probably to reflect on the mistakes he had made in the past, probably preparing to be killed by his brother, maybe even hoping for one last chance to talk to God....
He was left alone and he wrestled. This blog has been my small attempt to be left alone and wrestle. I can so easily move through my days on auto pilot, going through the routine of dishes and laundry and hanging out with great people and playing with Gram and fixing dinner and laughing with Dustin - all good things...GREAT things in fact. But they are easy to do day after day without ever reflecting on their significance or God's role in them. It's easy for me to stay in this sort of shallow place, the land where everything is fine and good, no ups or downs, just a flat open road for my auto pilot.
This is especially easy to do when life is busy. And why is life so busy? (Blog post for another day!) So this was a good reminder for me to blog, to be left alone and reflect, to wrestle with God, to truly look at myself, to look at what God is doing in and around me, to notice and think and feel. Who knew that could be so hard?
So thinking about Jacob's story, I'm pondering where I look for my acceptance, whose blessing I am trying so desperately to obtain, and why being left alone with God often comes in last place. I hope to have more thoughts to share on this later. But for now, I ponder. I invite you to do the same.
