We have a family friend who recently died of cancer. Dustin and I had a chance to see him when he came to Tampa to visit the world renowned Moffit Cancer Center with hopes of good news. I remember Jerry to be a life of the party kind of guy. He has been a friend of my parents ever since I was about 5 years old. They have ridden motorcycles together all over North America, went on family vacations together, shared the every day moments of life together, and were neighbors for a few years. Jerry has always loved beautiful women and beer. He always kind of looked like Don Johnson from Miami Vice in a way. A few months back he was diagnosed with cancer. My dad and cousin Jimmy who is also a good friend had been helping Kim, his wife, take care of him. My dad and Jimmy would take shifts sitting with him everyday. Everyday for the last 3 months my dad has sat with Jerry. He’s helped to plant Jerry’s garden, he’s installed a wheelchair ramp, he’s cleaned his house, brought him meals, visited him in the hospital, and helped to deliver bad news to friends and family. I have never witnessed such an act of friendship in all of my life. My dad was drained, emotionally and physically and yet he continued to give to his friend. Every day he committed more and more to this dying man. Through his dying experience Jerry realized mistakes he’d made in life. He was baptized about two month ago and spent most of his last days reflecting on all that’s he’d overlooked in life. We rejoiced with him in his baptism and reminded him of all the great memories we have together. But I know that he still felt so much regret.

When someone is dying, there is a longing for it to just be over, felt from both the dying person and their friends and family. The reality of death is so heavy, it’s hard to bear. I have no idea how my dad has done it. How he sat with his long time friend hour after hour in order to help him die. How he looked at his deteriorating body and remained encouraging. How he didn’t break down every day. My dad could easily be where Jerry is now. My dad has smoked all of his life and I have dreaded a similar death for him for years now (sorry if that sounds morbid). I pray my dad doesn’t have to go through what Jerry is going through. But I know if he does that his friends and family will be there to take care of him too. Isn’t that what friends are for? To make you smile in those last moments as they have done in so many before that. To help you sleep peacefully knowing you were loved, in sickness and in death.

My heart goes out to Kim, his wife, and Tammy and Stacie, his daughters. How do you move on? What do the days look like now that someone who took up so much of those days is gone? I will post a picture once I find them again after the move so the whole world can see the beauty that was Jerry. We miss him already.

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