Dustin and I are making our trek to Portland via Illinois. We’re spending basically the month of August in IL visiting family and friends. I LOVE coming home. There is nothing greater I believe than coming to my hometown of Marshall and to my family. I know that I’m partial to my family, but I can honestly say with the most objective view I can muster that I have the greatest family in all the world. I laugh here, I sleep here, I eat TONS here, I rest here, I sit on porches here, I play games here, I shop here, I reflect here, I love here. There are times when I’m at home that I get extremely lazy in everything. I said to Dustin that there’s something about marshall that makes me want to sleep all the time. It’s so strange. This time however, I believe do to life circumstances, I am feeling even more energetic, appreciative, reflective and really like a sponge. I want to savor every moment here. I think this is for a variety of reasons.
1) I’m married now and I want Dustin to love my family and my hometown for all the same reasons that I do.
2) I have nieces and only seeing them once or twice a year knocks the wind out of me, I hate it. So the time I do have with them I want to cherish and lock up in a box for later when I’m missing them and being a part of their life so much.
3) We are moving to Portland which is even further away from my family. I’m starting a “real” job where I can’t just take time off whenever I want and therefore will be missing the holidays at home for the first time in my life!! Very bummed. 4) An old friend of the family recently died of cancer. I’ll write more about this later.

For all of the above reasons, I just can’t get enough of my small town. It’s such a strange feeling however. Part of me longs for adventure, to move to a new city (which we’re doing) and to make a life of my own somewhere. Another part of me wants so much to settle down by my family in Marshall and be a part of their everyday lives. To know all of the ups and downs. To raise my kids around their cousins and aunts and uncles. For Dustin to be a part of Marshall like my dad became a part of Marshall. Does anyone else feel pulled in this way? I’ve talked to many who are feeling pulled in the same directions. I have no answers for this, except to say I’m happy. Sure there are moments when I miss being a part of what’s going on somewhere else in the world. But I have no regrets concerning life choices. I am happy and at peace with where I am in life right now. I’m at peace knowing there is growth to come and wanting it so bad. And I am happy knowing that there is so much good out there to be had and known, that leaving home allows me to experience even more happiness. I miss you Marshall, you will forever be my first love and my comfortable shoe.

3 comments

1. Anonymous on 10:32 AM

   i'm from a small town (Mitchell, IN)...i totally understand how you feel. i loved it there but part of me knows that i just don't fit anymore! we ARE best friends!

    
2. g13 on 8:18 AM

   i can't believe that your first love isn't jesus! someone needs to read revelation 2 again.

    
3. Kelli Bagby on 9:21 AM

   Why yes Gentry, thank you for stearing me in the right direction preacher man. I suppose my first love is Jesus and my second love would be Dustin. I should specify that when it comes to cities, towns, villages even, Marshall would be number one.