"So don't worry about these things, saying, 'What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?' These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need."
Dustin and I held off making the decision about whether I would be a stay at home mom for some time. During my pregnancy and even the first weeks of Gram's life, we still hadn't made the decision. It wasn't that we didn't believe in the importance of one of us staying at home or the benefits to both Gram and us. It was purely financial. We weren't for sure if financially we could do it, and we weren't for sure financially if we were ready to do it. We were a 2 income family, FINALLY! After Dustin graduated from Seminary, we had just bought a house, and it felt SO NICE to not have to live paycheck to paycheck.
We had come a long way from living in a basement studio apartment, Dustin working at Hollywood video and painting and me commuting 3 hours a day to make ends meet. It felt good. SO good. It felt good to have a home and to have the finances to complete projects for it. It felt good to be able to go out to dinner with friends whenever we wanted. We remembered living in the basement studio apartment not having extra money for even 1 cup of coffee at Starbucks, let alone a meal out.
We had come a long way...God had brought us a long way. And it was so nice. But being with Gram, caring for this incredibly vulnerable little thing, it didn't take long for both of us to make up our minds - Gram needed mom at home. And maybe even more, mom needed to be home with Gram, and dad needed mom to be home with Gram. Dustin and I were surprised at how overwhelmed we felt about the need for me to be home with him. And so the decision was made.
March 5th was my last day as a full time out of the house employee. It was a great day! And yet a bit terrifying as well. The reality of living without the paycheck was setting in. And it's hard. It's hard to give up that control over our lives and, again, be in a place where we are relying on God month by month to help us make wise decisions and stretch our dollars. It's a great place to be, right? Relying on God? Yes!!! A million times over, YES!! And yet equally as scary.
And so, day by day, the tug of war inside of me between worry and trust goes on. Worry over whether we can afford health insurance and trust that God will provide for all our needs, as he has done time and time again. These small worries are nothing for our gigantic God. Our small family would be nothing without our gigantic God.
Well said Kelli. I like to think of it as giving up something good (money) for something better (time with our kids). It's so worth it. For me, the clincher was imagining someone else spending that much time, and having that much influence on my kids. I couldn't stand that thought.
This is a great post, Kelli.
It was refreshing to read and so good to be reminded that He WILL give us everything we need.
Much love,
MM
Great post! The last three and a half years have been filled with wonderful memories, even in the hard times. I think you would really resonate with and be inspired by the Hudson Taylor book right now. You should read it on my iphone!