"So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today."
I'm not a worrier typically. At times I think I'm a closet worrier actually, I tend to be stressed at times without physically showing it. But motherhood is proving to be a whole new realm of worry that I have never experienced before. I'm sure I'll have many posts about different things I might be worrying about concerning Gram, but right now it's sleep.
Gram has never been a big sleeper. As a newborn he would be up for 4-5 hours at a time, which completely confused me. I had always heard that all newborns did was eat, sleep and poop. Well, Gram ate and pooped just fine, but sleep was another story. He's went through phases of sleeping better. I longingly remember a 3 week stretch where I was up with him just once a night. But ever since January, he's been getting up most nights every 3-4 hours. Some nights I get a 5-6 hour stretch, some nights it's every 2 hours (like last night!!) I have read more articles and asked more questions about sleep compared to any other and still I feel a bit at my wits end.
Two nights ago he slept 9 hours straight! "Yes!" I thought, "Maybe now he'll start to sleep better." And then last night up every 2 hours!!! Had I not had the 9 hour stretch the night before, I think I would be in tears writing this post. What's a new mom to do?
There are many different theories of ways to get your baby to sleep and I'm having a hard time figuring out which one fits Gram best. I feel like I've tried routine/ schedule (as much as made sense with Gram) and it didn't really work. I'd like to give it another try and probably will. I've tried feeding on demand and watching his natural cues. Everything I've tried has seemed to work a little or for a short time. Maybe I need to be more consistent and stick with one thing.
What worries me is feeling this overwhelming pressure that it's all up to me. Like after the 9 hour stretch, I wracked my brain thinking what I had done with him the day before and tried to repeat it, but then I got 2 hour stretches. I wonder how much is me and how much is just Gram. Gram is an incredibly happy and content baby, so I have nothing to complain about. But getting more sleep would be SO NICE! And I know he needs more sleep at times too, how can I help him sleep better?
Lately, I have found myself dreading going to bed because I don't know what the night will hold. I hate that feeling. I hate feeling like what I am doing right now with Gram might adversely affect his sleeping later. I feel like all my decisions with him revolves around sleep. And maybe that's ok, maybe that needs to be until we get this figured out. Or maybe I'm worrying about it too much. I don't know.
Today, I don't know. I'm running on too little sleep and a heart heavy with prayers for sleep for both Gram and me.
